Beyond The Wall

FREE AT LAST!!

Friends of Tom....

HE IS FREE AT LAST!!

Here is his e-mail to me, and I am now handing over the BLOG to him so that he can communicate to you personally. It's been a pleasure to do this BLOG for Tom to keep his readers aware of his articles and letters from prison. Now...he is indeed BEYOND THE WALL!!

Here's the e-mail:

    At last !  At l-o-n-g last ! I'm free and able to send this e-mail to you. This moment is worth the longest, loudest WHEEEEEEE !!! you could ever imagine.

 

    I sent an old-fashioned handwritten letter to you several days ago, and though it's not very efficient, I'm still most comfortable with it. I have much to learn about the technology of today and learning it is daunting and exciting.

These new days in the "free world" often leave me bewildered and befuddled, but always deeply grateful.

Everything is a treat and a surprise. I  don't ever want to lose my sense of wonder. I keep coming back to the miracle of being alive for another day on this beautiful planet. (I see that the style of the letters has changed and I have no idea how I changed that or how to go back to the original. Please excuse. I'll be taking computer classes soon and hope to get up to speed...at least a little beyond the two tin cans and a piece of string that I used as a child.)

 

   Because of your inspiration and support over all these years, my way is being made much easier.

When things settle down, I look forward to talking to you and Steve on the phone.  When I went to prison back in '98, all you could do on the phone was talk on it.  Now it does everything but wash the dishes!

 

Tom to be released ....

Dear Friends of Tom Brown....

HURRAY....his release from prison is at hand! The following e-mail was sent to share the good news, and for those of you who have followed the BLOG, more will be coming when he is freed. It is my hope that he will write a book from all the letters he's sent and the wonderful essays he's written while behind bars. Now, he will have the opportunity to be free at last.

Here is the e-mail we received regarding his release:

"In prison lingo, Tom has 3 nights and a wakeup. I just got confirmation that he will be released on Thursday, July 21. Hooray. Ironically, we are on our way to Tucson for me to give a speech Tuesday night, spend the night and come home Wedn. So we get to make 2 trips to Tucson this week. Both of them will be done with great joy. We have his clothes ready and his bed at the Madison Street VA will be waiting. Please share the good news with the rest of the team. CELEBRATE the good news. We are so excited for him."
  

The Only Game In Town

by Charles "Tom" Brown

Copyright 2010

 

"Oh, no! Not this again!" We've all said words like these as the very things in life that we dislike the most keep reappearing. If something keeps recurring in our life, we have to ask, "What is it about me that allows this to bother me? And what allows it to happen over and over again?"

 

We need to resolve this or come into harmony with it - so that it no longer bothers us, or at least so that we can be amused by it. We are bound to whatever we can't accept, but once we accept it, we can be free from it. The best things we can do with a problem, for example, is simply to allow space for it, to let it be. This doesn't mean to condone or justify it, it simply means to come into harmony with it. From this point, it can more easily be changed or eliminated. By denying it, rejecting it, fighting it, or complaining about it, we often only perpetuate it.

 

Once something no longer bothers us, often it miraculously disappears. Once we stop taking it so seriously, it may not come around quite so persistently anymore. It stops reappearing because we've worked it out, we've resolved it, and come into harmony with it. Once we do this, there's no further purpose for it.

 

In order to grow and mature spiritually, we must work with whatever bothers us and reappears in situations, circumstances, other people - whatever it takes. This is the way the game is set up. Eventually, we'll see that it was a great game, and it seemed realistic at the time, but it was only a game nevertheless. It's Spirit's game - the greatest game there is and the only game in town.

 

This game participation will ultimately bring us to the realization that we can find boundless joy in what we have, in where we are, and in who we are. We'll see, at last, that there has been only one of us all along, and we'll feel the divine in every cubic inch of space.

The Chrysalis

 

by Charles "Tom" Brown

 

The lyrics of a song called "Chrysalis" are:

 

"Change feels scary

Do butterflies worry?

Does a rose get scared when its petals

begin to loosen and unfurl?

Does blossoming sometimes feel like

falling apart?

Butterfly, you can try your bright wings.

Let your colors fly.

A chrysalis is a fine thing -

Until it's time to take to the sky."

 

There is no denying that the cocoon is a safe place. It's restful there. Nobody bothers you. You feel like you have it together.

 

Sooner or later, though, the effectiveness of what you have been doing so far fades. The way you have gone about things wears out. The creative energy wanes. The music in your head gets repetitive. You need something. Because of restlessness, some call it "divine discontent", you have to start tearing up that safe cocoon to get what you're hungry for.

 

Do you think there will be fear as an awareness develops of the hunger, the discontent, the longing? There will be. Do you think you might lose everything? You will. You will have to lose all the caterpillar-ness, all that cocoon-ness, in order to get wings, in order to take to the sky.

3-18-2010

 

It's early morning in the "quiet room". This time that I spend in meditating and writing is my escape from prison. It's the time when I go off to other dimensions, other worlds.

 

My world this morning is a light-hearted one, especially as I think of something I read recently. It's an article called "Idiot Sightings." It's about actual incidents where people encounter some really "dumb" events. Here's one that occured at the Montgomery, Alabama, airport:

 

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"

To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know about it?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

 

Huh? Sometimes I think the gene pool could use a little chlorine.

 

When I think of all the "dumb" things I've said and done, though, it puts things in perspective. I've learned to laugh at them as I remember a favorite beatitutde:

"Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused."

 

Hey, I'm my own amusement park! Wheee!

2-22-10

 

In your essay titled , "The Paradox of Winter" you ended it by writing, "We only need to trust and wait patiently. Spring is coming once again!"

 

Spring will indeed come! This is a miraculous time when things that are small and buried will surrender to a process that none of the buried parts can see. This surrender allows the seeds to break ground into a life of light we call spring. In this process, nature gives us countless models of how to give ourselves over to what appears to be dark and hopeless, but which ultimately proves to be an awakening that is beyond all imagining.

 

Nature's seasons remind us that the world is constantly changing and in various stages of birth, regeneration, maturity, decay, and death. Apple blossoms, aspen leaves, cumulous clouds, and melting glaciers all whisper that everything is fleeting. Things changing and falling apart is a kind of testing. We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.

 

No matter what happens in our lives, though, there are certain things that will continue. After the winter, spring will arrive. Flowers will bloom. Birds will sing. Life will continue to hand us the invisible thread that connects us all, love will hand us the needle.

 

May we take that needle and weave a tapestry that will glow with the loving presence that we truly are.

 

1-20=10

 

You and I have often written about the cycles of life. Each one has its unique purpose. These many cycles and the various roles we play remind us that it's all part of the great play of Consciousness that we're all involved in. And what a grand adventure this is!

 

When I looked in the mirror this morning, I remembered my present role. I asked the mirror, "Must I look like this?" And the mirror said, "Don't ask me." (no help there)

 

The young boy in me is amazed at what I can get away with now that my face is wrinkled and my hair is gray. Instead of passing as a young man, at which I was adept for so many years, I can pretend to be an old man. I'll even have myself fooled by the end of Act Three.

 

I now have a perspective, a wisdom, a more comprehensive body of knowledge...if only I could remember it!

 

We're starting a newsletter here and I've been writing articles for it. Also, on Saturday mornings I've been helping the fellows with their poetry. Some of it is angry and raw, but it can also be tender. Poetry can be a way of taking life by the throat, and it provides a way for them to express their deepest feelings. It helps them to work through those feelings. To inspire them I often show them a photograph that I have of Vedran Smalovic, who was known as the "cellist of Sarajevo". For the three years that Sarajevo was under siege in the Balkan War - with mortar fire and snipers, no one could get in or out and many died - every afternoon Vedran would put on the tux that he wore to the Sarajevo National Symphony, taking a folding chair and his cello, and go out into the square to play music for the residents of Sarajevo so they wouldn't give up hope. He played in spite of the fact that he could have been easily killed by a sniper or mortar fire. I see Vedran doing what a poet does, offering art in the face of both the beauty and the horrors of life.

 

I see poetry as plants growing out of the sidewalk, in unexpected places, because it's really the voice of people who need to say something wildly important to them. It's the linguistic voice of the inner life. Human beings yearn to connect and to tell our stories before we die. As we strive to remind others of our fundamental connectedness, we must be willing to leap - with all our passion and fear and longing - into the fire. And that fire is not just a metaphor. It's as real as our own mysterious existence; as real as a painful moment that has broken, and maybe opened our hearts. It's our true nature to have an open heart as much as it's the true nature of a flower to open in the sunlight.

Personal Observations

by Charles "Tom" Brown

copyright 2010

 

Is my generation the last to grow up outdoors? As a boy, I used to hike through the woods and bike down country roads, completely unsupervised, which is unheard of today. Today's child is growing up sitting in front of a computer screen or listening to an I-pod, not climbing trees or even playing ball in the street.

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Life has its imperfections and there is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.

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In teaching math, I find that the hardest math to master is that which enables me to count my blessings. When I do focus on my blessings, though, it reminds me to find the relatedness, the value, even the beauty in simple and ordinary things.

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Somewhere along the way, I have found that the spiritual path begins to expand from the narrow confines of rigid dogma to the wider landscape of accepting life's contradictions and mysteries.

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I want to be willing to entertain diametrically opposite ideas at the same time to get to the truth.

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There are just some things that cannot be expressed in words. Though I try to bring structure and color to what is indescribable, I'll readily admit to not bean an awakened being. At least my eyes are open and the lights are on.

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When I think of what I've learned and what lies ahead, I find that life's lessons are much more subtle than they used to be. I used to have to be hit over the head with a "two-by-four" (losses, imprisonment, etc), but now it's more like a gentle nudge.

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When I lose track of myself, I enter a simpler realm where there is just the coming and going of experience...just what is.

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As we work for peace and justice and encounter opposition, let's remember that Spirit is at work among us, disarming us all.

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Things come together and then they fall apart. It's just how it is. The healing comes in making room for this to happen: room for grief, room for relief, room for sadness, room for joy.

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Love helps me to see beauty in all that I behold. A Japanese proverb says it perfectly - "A man in love mistakes a pimple for a dimple."

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It seems as if the more I let go, the more I experience love. Love is openhearted, demands nothing, and needs nothing. It's more likely to visit me when my desires are quiet, when I don't need or want much, and when I accept that everything I love is not permanent, but is with me at this moment.

A Morning Walk

 

by Charles "Tom" Brown

copyright 2010 

 

 

This morning I went for a walk

On the prison rec yard.

The sky was clear

And the air was cool.

 

I stopped in my walking

To appreciate the rising sun.

There was nothing else in the world

Except this sunrise and me watching it.

 

Then I noticed the sunlight was filtered

Through the chain-link fence topped with razor wire.

It was beauty witnessed through something

Meant for confinement and intimidation.

 

But the sun continued to warm my face

and brighten the morning sky.

 

The fence couldn't stop that.

 

1-3-09

 

It's hard to believe it's 2010, isn't it? These years seem to fly by at a faster and faster rate. I've tried to put a governor on them to slow them up. I've even tried denying them, but nothing works. The only thing left is for me to accept them.

 

Holidays are the same as every other day here, so the days all seem to run together. Since the days are the same, I try to make each one of them special.

 

I hope classes will start up soon. There haven't been any for a number of weeks, so I've been without a job. This makes it a pretty lean time, but it does give me extra time to write and to tutor the students. On Saturday mornings I've been helping some of the fellows with their poetry. Recently, one of the fellows recited one of my favorite poems - "Jenny Kissed Me", by E.E. Cummings.

 

"Jenny kissed me

when we met.

Jumping from the chair she sat in.

Fate, you thief who loves to get

Sweets into your list, put that in.

Say I'm weary

Say I'm sad

Say that health and wealth have missed me.

Say I'm growing old

But odd,

Jenny kissed me."

 

A poem like this touches our memories and our feelings. I believe a poem should say a lot in a few words and it should leave something unsaid. It should collect experiences and shape them into forms that cause us to think. A poem can be like a candle flickering in the darkness. I don't know if the enclosed "A Morning Walk" accomplishes this, but it felt good to express it after my morning walk.

 

With the passing of these many years, I'm becoming more and more aware of how little I know. Sometimes I remind myself of Charlie Brown, to whom Lucy once said,

"Charlie Brown, in the Great Cruise Ship of Life, some people place their deck chairs to the fore and look at what's coming and others place theirs to the aft and look at what's past. In the Great Cruise Ship of Life, which way is your deck chair facing?"

And Charlie Brown replied, "In the Great Cruise Ship of Life, I'm one of those who can't get my deck chair unfolded."

 

As this year unfolds...may we get our deck chairs unfolded!

A Different World

 

by Charles "Tom" Brown

copyright 2009

 

Currently, we're seeing an upheaval in the global economics and not only are we getting a good look at the changing whims of lady fortune, but we're also seeing clearly that the world runs on a deep elusion about what will truly offer satisfaction.

 

What is being revealed is that our lives are less individual than we thought; we behave as a collective organism. And like the fish in the ocean, we swim through history without noticing how its water shapes our movement. For instance, if we find ourselves feeling poor and unfortunate, let's stop thinking about how well of we were or how wealthy we could be. Instead, let's compare ourselves to all the people who have ever lived. When we do this, we're suddenly very rich. Just imagine all those who suffered through life with no electricity, no running water, no painkillers, no antibiotics, and none of the comforts we take for granted. Let's remember that just a few generations ago, most of our relatives were peasants.

 

Perhaps the current economic crisis is exactly the one we need right now to see that our way of life is unsustainable. It's hard to give up our cherished pleasures and comforts, but nature is beginning to foreclose on its loan. We're seeing this in polluted air and water, in soil erosion, in deforestation, and in global warming. Would we plunder the earth, pollute the water, puncture the protective ozone layer, level the rain forests, and drive whole species of animals to extinction if we truly acknowledged the beauty and the power of the natural world, our dependence on it, and its dependence on our good treatment? If together we respect our Mother Earth, will we not learn respect for one another and begin the work of peace? The ground we stand on is holy - and it is our common ground.

 

When we lose sight of the fat that we are all connected, when we lose a sense of common good, when we no longer feel the suffering of others, this is when we create a society of wanton excess, of conspicuous consumption, of environmental destruction, of gross injustice.

 

We need a vision of the common good, a vision grounded in a respect for human dignity, founded on the realization that we are all connected and interdependent. Our first task is to get in touch with what truly matters in our lives. We need to reach out to one another and support one another.

 

This is a wake-up call for us, an opportunity to come to our senses and to create something new and wonderful. We can create a world that is just and responsible and sustainable. We can create a different world.

 

Let's seize the moment and begin now.

The Enchanted Seed

 

 

by Charles "Tom Brown

copyright 2010

 

William Jennings Bryan, political leader and orator, once wrote these words:  "I have observed the power of the watermelon seed. It has the power of drawing from the ground and through itself 200,000 times its weight. When you can tell me how it takes this material and out of it colors an outside surface beyond the imitation of art, and then forms inside of it a white rind and within that again a red heart, thickly inlaid with black seeds, each on of which in turn is capable of drawing through itself 200,000 times its weight - when you can explain to me the mystery of a watermelon, you can ask me to explain the mystery of God."

As we think of these words, we can see that we too are part of the drama that creates forms millions of times greater than the originating seed. There is a perfection that exists in every seed for producing life, without making a single mistake. The watermelon seed never makes the mistake of producing a pumpkin or an apple. This force that no one can see, touch, smell, hear or taste, is perfect. It is the seed that is responsible for the beginning of every single human being who has ever lived anywhere at any time.

Our gift is our awareness. We need not explain the mystery of this creative force, since even one tiny seed containing an invisible future stymies all of us. It is far more sensible to be aware of that which is impervious to boundaries and beginnings as well as ends. We can choose to be aware of this force, to feel it within ourselves, and to allow the great joy of feeling to connect to it all.

Let's remind ourselves daily that everything is  in order. It's born of mystery, but an order nevertheless. This is an intelligent system that you and I are a part of, and trusting in that intelligence is far more fulfilling than questioning it or even trying to figure it all out. Let's let go of our mental inclination to analyze and allow ourselves to enjoy the mystery that is the source of life. Let's remember that this very moment is a miracle, as is everything around us.

 

 

12-26-09

It's 6 AM on the day after Christmas and I'm sitting here at a table in the "quiet room"...a wonderful time to meditate and share some thoughts with you.

I really didn't think I'd have to spend another holiday in here, but here I am, and all I can do is make the bet of it and help as many others as I can. The light way down at the end of the long tunnel has sometimes flickered and almost gone out, but now it's beginning to glow a little brighter. My release date is in September of 2011, and then there won't be any more denials.

For a long time, that date was so far in the future. I didn't think much about it and focused primarily on making the best of each day. I'll still do that, but now I'll begin adding some thoughts about how I can make the adjustments I'll have to make. They seem a little overwhelming and it will be quite a challenge, but way down deep inside, I know that it will all work out perfectly.

It's marvelous to consider this: everything that happens in this life, even this prison experience, has its unique and proper place in the pattern, the web, of the human race as a whole.  This is a lofty and difficult conclusion to come to and yet it brings a huge sigh of relief. After all, if this is so, it means that everything - everything - is all right.

It's so very easy to lose our sense of wonder, our sense of awe at the miracle of just beingt alive today. To the degree that we do this, we think that there is some ideal condition better or higher than our present condition and that we must struggle to attain this ideal. This ideal - and for me it would be to be free from prison - can easily capture me and hold me prisoner. The ultimate realization, I believe, is that now is enough as it is. I can relax. Everything is already all right. This realization helps me to see the beauty and perfection of this moment, which is the only life I actually have. Life offers us just what it offers and our task is to bow to it, to meet it with understanding and compassion.

May we dance, skip, and play in this realization ...in this light today.

The Eternal Hoper

 

 

by Charles "Tom" Brown

 

Despite the chaos and the impermanence of life, we can choose to make the best of each day and to look for the sunshine...even on cloudy days. We can choose to be an eternal hoper.

 

The case for hope has never rested on provable facts or rational assessment. Hope by its very nature is independent of logic. It provides us with a sense  of destination and the energy to get started. It gives value to feelings as well as to facts.

 

Hopers stay on the path, resisting those who would derail our quest. We keep traveling even when the specifics of the destination are confusing or changed midstream. Hope sustains our vision without dwelling on detailed results.

 

The obstructionists we hopers met on our sacred journey are numerous. Here are a few:

 

• Pessimists try to demoralize us by saying that life is hopelessly awful, oppressive, doomed: we receive the news, take it in stride, keep walking.
• Optimists race by, trying to disrupt our deliberate pace: we wave to these well-intentioned speed merchants, yet remain on track, guided by stars beyond and light within.
• Sentimentalists wish to lure us into retiring to a gorgeous, romantic village of the beaten path; we tender a friendly glance and saunter on.
• Opportunists set up shop to peddle magic trinkets and relics for our trip; choosing to travel simply, we decline additional tokens and push forward.

 

Faithful to the past, loving in the present, hopers forge tomorrows without number. For hopes do not die, and a hoping heart is of the stuff of eternity.

 

12-7-09

 

In your latest newsletter, Seasons of the Soul, you wrote an excellent article titled "Nurturing Nature." It inspired me to develop some thoughts on this subject, too. In the enclosed "A Different World", there's a sentence that states, "It's hard to give up our cherished pleasures and comforts, but nature is beginning to foreclose on its loan." What is happening right now is a powerful wake-up call, but maybe, just maybe, it's exactly what is needed to help us to remember that we are connected to each other, to every other thing, to animals, to the plants, and trees and flowers, to the mountains and the seas and deserts, even to the distant stars. Every human being is connected to every other thing and if we know and respect this, we do this to ourselves. And it is all beautiful and sacred.

 

In a previous mailing to you, I sent "The Eternal Hoper." You and I fit that description. We've had so many broken dreams and false hopes it would be easy to become cynical, but as "eternal hopers", even if we're knee deep in manure, we're "looking for the pony".

 

Sometimes I remind myself of being like the fellow who jumped off the top of a high-rise building. As he passed each floor on his way down, he could be heart to say, "So far, So good!" (how's that for optimism and hope?)

 

Seriously, this season asks us to move past our fears and anxieties and to focus on the wonder and the mystery of it all. It emboldens us to feel joy and be hopeful.

 

I have an eight-year old neighbor named Bob who puts it this way - "Any day my eyes pop open is a great day." Every morning our first thought should be, "Thank You." In this latter part of my life, I have attained a deeper understanding of how sacred life is. I have come to fully appreciate how fragile we human beings are, and I feel a profound sense of gratitude.

 

And so...may we feel the joy of "opening our eyes" to the wonder of another day, may we never lose the hope of a better tomorrow, and may love and blessings surround us all.

This Is It!

by Charles "Tom" Brown

 

Comments often heard on this prison yard are, "I can't wait to get out of here" and "I'll be happy when I'm finally released." Those thoughts are understandable, but a fixation on some future event can rob us of the reality and the richness of the present moment.

 

Most of us go through life waiting for the next "high" - the next relationship, the next dessert, the next vacation, the next adventure, the next big game, the next pizza, the next movie, the next television show. We look for the next something to look forward to, something to get us through the day. We also often dwell in the past, remembering what was and what could have been. In our minds our lives spill from the past into the future. When we conveniently skip over the present moment, we don't experience its value, its relevance.

 

Much of the time we are about that which will not matter in the least next year, next month, or next week. What do we think is so important? In my earlier life, many things that seemed important have come and gone. Looking back now, it's hard to imagine what I thought was so significant about those things.

 

From today's perspective, it seems like I have lived many lifetimes within this one. Looking back from this vantage point, it appears that I was stumbling blindly through life, hardly knowing what I was doing, lacking awareness of the true nature of others and the world around me. Yet, at the time, I considered myself intelligent and perceptive. I even thought I knew what I was doing. How strange - this dichotomy between how we see ourselves at the time and how we see our selves in retrospect.

 

Everything comes and goes; everything changes and quickly vanishes. We are not even the same person we were five years ago, or two y ears ago. We are not our circumstances; we are not our immediate problems. In a sense it is hard to keep up with what we are except to recognize what is eternal and changeless.

 

Do we recognize and appreciate the truth of this or are we too preoccupied with temporary changing events? What a wondrous play of consciousness this life is! If we could truly grasp what is going on now, we would never be bored. There would be a sense of wonder. And as we bend and adapt to the uncertainties of each moment, it will allow us to relax and enjoy the ebb and flow of life.

 

Everything has been leading up to this. We exist as much in eternity right now as we ever will. The entire creation exists in the moment. This is it!

Letters from Tom

 

10-24-09

 

How are things down on the farm? I hope you're enjoying your adbventures with "Farmtown". Farming is symbolic of the reaping and sowing we do on a spiritual level and the law of karma makes sure we get our "karmuppance"; it's the ultimate crop.

 

And that ultimate crop leaves us with many whys. We just can't always know why. What's most important is what we do with the issues life hands us.

 

When she was undergoing chemotherapy for her terminal cancer, Gilda Radner wrote these words in her book -

"I wanted to wrap this book up in a neat little package, but now I've learned the hard way that some poems don't rhyme, some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. I've learned that life is about not knowing and having to change, and I've learned that life is filled with ambiguity...sweet ambiguity."

 

And thjat ambiguity is part of the mystery of it all. We're a fragment of a mirror whose whole design and shape we do not know. Nevertheless, with what we have, we can shine our light into the dark places of this world, into the dreary places in the hearts of others, and change some things in some people. Perhaps, then others may see and do likewise. This is what I think we are about and is the meaning of our life.

 

My days here are filled with teaching, writing, and counseling. Here are a couple of current e3xamples -

 

D.O.E. requires an eight grade education so a new young student named Ricky has arrived in the classroom. He did not want to be in the classroom and told me repeatedly that he has been told all of his life that he has a learning disability and can't learn. I told him that it may take a while (and we have the time), and he can learn, so I'm taking him step by step through fractions right now. Yesterday he was grinning from ear to ear as he proudly announced, "I'm beginning to understand fractions." He's beginning to see that he can do it and he's feeling more worthwhile and confident. The change in his personality is remarkable. I don't think anyone has believed in him before and taken the time to help him. He's now actually looking forward to learning. This is what makes teaching so special; it's seeing a life change right before our very eyes.

 

Another current example of fellows I'm working with is Jimmy. I'm helping him write a letter to his mom. His dad died and Jimmy has a lot of pent-up feelings that he doesn't know what to do with or how to express them. I gave him a few suggestions and told him to just pour out his heart and let his spirit guide him. He just now came into the room where I'm writing this to show me what he had written. It's so pure, so heartfelt that we both had tears in our eyes.

 

Incidents like these remind me that the things that matter the most in our lives are not fantastic or grand. They are moments when we touch one another, when we are with each other in the most attentive and caring way. This simple and profound intimacy is the love we all long for.

The Hypnotic Spell

 

by Charles "Tom" Brown

 

This prison experience of being without many of the things I took for granted has made me aware of the hypnotic spell of the world. How alluring, enticing, and bewitching this world is!

 

The world's hypnotic spell convinces us that there is something out there that will add to our lives, that we are missing out on a lot, that other people are getting or enjoying something that is passing us by. We tend to believe that whatever we're longing for - a raise in our salary, a relationship, a clear medical report - can actually make us happy. Of course these things are great and worthwhile, but can they truly make us happy? Perhaps momentarily, but not for long.

 

When I look back on what was most important to me during various phases of my life, I am mystified. Now it is difficult to understand what was important about these things or how they ever managed to catch my attention. Many things and events were satisfying for awhile, but nothing had any permanence. The drama of this world has been going on for centuries, but everything in this world is eventually forgotten, no matter how important or tragic it seems in the moment.

 

Yet there is a happiness that is effortlessly present at all times. This happiness comes from relaxing with things exactly as they are. When all efforts to get something we think we must have fall away, what remains is the listening presence, the empty space in which it is all happening, awareness itself: the simplicity and wonder of what is. The hypnotic spell is broken.

Letters from Prison

 

9-4-09

 

My world consists of getting used to a different yard. This involves meeting new friends and adjusting to a different environment and regulations. All in all, though, I'm thankful for this move and will be teaching GED students again next Wednesday when classes start.

 

I've always thought of myself as a bit of a philosopher and a bit of a humorist and now I'm thinking of how similar these are. Philosophy asks us to look at the world as if we were from another planet and to question everything - the nature of reality, the external world, other people. That's like comedy. At their best, both comedians and philosophers shake out our prejudices. Jokes can liberate and elevate us and even change the situation we find ourselves in. As Ralphie (Tom's cartoon dog) often says, "Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of."

 

And thinking of making fun of something, I read that a study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "DUH!"

 

(there's nothing like an intelligent, well-thought-out response to a study like that.)

Letters from Prison

 

8-24-09

 

As you can see from the envelope, I've been moved yet again. I really resisted this move, and the officials at the Bachman yard did everything they could to keep me, but the order came from the Central Office for a mass movement (150), and there were no exceptions.

 

Once I could see that it was inevitable, I moved to an acceptance of it, and now I'm fully embracing it. This is a much better yard - more freedom, older fellows so it's more mellow, and better living conditions.

 

We all resist change, don't we, even if the change is for the better. It upsets our comfortable routines and forces us to face the unknown. It's as though life delights in taking us by surprise, tapping us on the shoulder and reminding us now and again of how very little we really know of all that is possible. If it weren't for the changes in our lives, though, there would be no growth.

 

I believe that to be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake, it often calls for us to be thrown out of the nest. This has happened to me many times, and though I cry out against it when it happens, being thrown out of the nest has left me more tender, more humble and even more grateful.

 

One of the best things about this move is that one of my closes friends, Dave Grammer, is here, and what a miracle it is to see him again! We were teaching together years ago on the Barchey yard when he was transferred and we lost track of each other. We're both former air force pilots, about the same age, and on the same spiritual path, so we give hope and inspiration to each other with our sharing. Hopefully, we'll soon be teaching together again on this yard.

 

Almost in spite of ourselves, we are most richly blessed, aren't we?

Tearing Down Fences

 

by Charles "Tom" Brown

 

No matter how much protection we think we need or how high we build our fences, life has a way of tearing them down and disarming us. When the barriers are removed and we're feeling vulnerable, our hearts are the most open.

 

All differences, whether physical, mental, or emotional, are superficial. They keep us from recognizing how much we have in common - starting with the undeniable fact that we're all alive and breathing the same air. Breathing in. Breathing out. Hearts expanding with love and contracting with fear. Is there anything we're experiencing right now that hasn't been experienced by innumerable others?

 

When we look in another person's eyes, we will find a human who is tender and vulnerable, one who pursues security, happiness, and love. We will find someone who is capable of great selfless compassion and one who can be terribly self-centered. We will find someone who has been hurt and who, in turn, has hurt others. We will see a hypocrite, a child, an orphan, a warrior, a hero. We will find someone who wants more love. And if we look deeply into another person's eyes, we will see that person's soul. Then we will discover that it is our true nature to have an open heart, as much as it is the true nature of the flower to open in the sunlight.

 

When the fences are there, I think of being a bird perched on a roof, wings tucked at my side. Then I remember that no bird can fly without opening its wings and we cannot love without exposing our heart. When the fences are removed and we reveal what we hide, the tender things become our wings.

Letter from Tom

 8-12-2009

 

The Sun Magazine has a section called "Readers Write" in which readers write on the topic of the month. The current topic is FENCES, and I was impressed with a thoughtful essay that I'm enclosing for you. It tells of a close-knit neighborhood that became divided over an issue (Propsition8). The last sentence says it all - "I Wish our fences were only six feet tall again."

 

I thought of the times that I too have put up barriers because of differences and decided to write something about tearing down those fences. May it inspire us to see the sacredness in each other, to find a way to sing the one voiceless song, the common beat between all hearts.

 

As strange as it may appear, some fences are being torn down here on this prison yard. The razor-wire fence that encloses this yard is very much here, but it only imprisons our physical form. The current economic situation has resulted in job cuts, pay cuts, and increased costs of commissary items, but all of this has, in many ways, brought us closer together. We have little or nothing, buyt yet I see the fellows sharing what little they have and helping each other more than I've ever seen before.

 

Here are a few examples:

 

The dormitory is very hot right now. We have evaporative cooling which isn't effective when it's humid, and I'm back in a corner where the air doesn't circulate very well. Several of the fellows work in the kitchen and have access to ice so they bring ice to me each evening so I can have cold drinks.

 

Another of the fellows noticed that my mattress was flat and uncomfortable so while I was in the classroom teaching, he went to another part of the yard and somehow managed to get a much better, thicker mattress and brought it here, put it on my bed, and then made up my bed so it would be a complete surprise to me when I returned. And he carried that heavy mattress over here in the heat of the day (112 degrees).

 

In these difficult times, we may yet come to see our challenges as our greatest blessings. Our lessons cannot be learned if the sun is shining every day. And on rainy days, we can share our umbrella with another.

 

The Beauty of Simplicity

July 26, 2009

Enclosed are some thoughts on “The Beauty of Simplicity”. Many in this economy are learning to live more slowly and simply, and, although this may not be what we wanted or expected, it may turn out to be not so bad after all. When there’s less, there’s more appreciation, more openness to wonders and joy, more capacity to soften critical judgment and simply celebrate what happens to be there, even if it’s not the best, even if it’s not so good.

Living more simply could mean more people growing gardens, cooking food, working on farms, taking care of each other. It could mean having more time to keep up with friends and family, calling to say ‘hello, how did your day go, happy birthday, happy anniversary, happy holiday, and, oh yes, I love you and am glad you are in my life.’

Hard times can remind us of what’s important – what’s basic, beautiful, and worthwhile about being alive. The worst of times brings out the best in us. They help us to be more grateful for another day, for the sun in the morning and the moon at night.

The Beauty of Simplicity

By Charles “Tom” Brown

The same daily routine on this prison yard challenges me to find the specialness in sameness.

Some 2500 years ago Lao-Tzu declared,

When Life is simple

Pretenses Fall away;

Our essential natures Shine through

We can allow our essential natures to shine by not enforcing judgments on ourselves that were imposed by others. It shines when we remind ourselves that we don’t have to win, be number one, or any other number.

Our essential nature shines when we lighten the burden we’re carrying to be productive, wealthy, and successful in the eyes of others, and replace it with an assertion that allows us to access our inner wisdom. Let’s retreat into silence, knowing that lal is well. Let’s give ourselves permission to just BE.

We can get to this space by noticing what is revealed in this very moment. We can get so caught up in the details of our lives that we end up missing a lot. Children grow up and are gone. A loved one dies. A friend moves across the country. Things and people pass so quickly. It’s easy to miss life’s joys.

Out of the simplicity of the moment, we find that joy may be found anywhere. It may be found while sipping a cup of coffe in the morning or in the reflective pause at work. It’s the preciousness of the moment realized. It shows a presence that needs no reward, no accomplishment, no finish, shining forth just as it is.

May we remember the beauty and grace of this moment. It shows its truth, what needs to be done and what can be left undone. It’s the great play of existence, of life and death, of all that was and is and shall be. It awaits our recognition.

Points to Ponder

 

 

By Charles “Tom” Brown’s cartoon dog, Ralphie

 

1. There are basically three kinds of people in the world – those who are good at mathematics, and those who aren’t.

 

2. Apathy is our most serious problem today – but who cares?

 

3. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.

 

4. The one thing in life that is certain is uncertainty. And to show you how pervasive this principle is, I can’t even say for sure if it’s true.

 

5. I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

 

6. I have a theory that it’s impossible to prove anything, but I can’t prove it.

 

7. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

 

8. I plan to procrastinate now and be spontaneous tomorrow.

 

9. The latent survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75 percent of the world’s population.

 

10. I have made only one grammatical error in my life, and I seen it when I done it, and I taken it back.

Letter from Tom

I received an e-mail from a reader of the BLOG wondering what had happened since the postings have not been from recent letters. The fault is not with Tom, but rather the editor, who has been very involved in other projects. Letters and articles will be put up once again until we come to the current time. Please keep reading and enjoy Tom's wonderful wit and wisdom!

The Editor

---------------------

 

July 5, 2009

 

I am writing this at a table in the dayroom. It’s 6AM, my quiet time away from the noisy chatter of the dorm, my time to reconnect with Spirit.

 

In reviewing the years (77 years old and 10 plus years in here), I have mixed feelings. There is a gratefulness for the miracle of being alive another day on this beautiful planet, but then, at the same time, there is a longing to be free of this narrow, restricted environment. I feel like a bird in a cage who dreams of the day he can spread his wings and fly. If I were flapping wings right now…

 

…I would have slept last night on a bed with a comfortable mattress

…I would have a breakfast of food that I had chosen.

…I would be fully deciding how to best spend my time today

…I would be wearing clothes that are not colored orange.

and

…I would be calling friends to make sure you are alright and to tell all of you how much I care about you.

 

My latest issue of Seasons of the Soul arrived and I am reminded what a precious publication this is. It always enriches and inspires me. I wonder if you realize what a blessing you are. I wonder…

 

My July/August issue of Unity Magazine arrived and I was surprised to see one of my articles in there. It is one I sent to them long ago and I had forgotten about it and thought that they had forgotten it, too. But there it is! I’m pleased to see it there and hope it will be helpful to the readers.

 

I wish I had something interesting to tell you, but it has occurred to me that nothing has occurred to me. Around here things start out slow and then they taper off. This sameness challenges me to find the extraordinary in the ordinary. After all, the difference is just that little “extra”, isn’t it? I try to mine the humdrum daily life here for the spiritual nuggets it contains. The nuggets are always found right where we are, so it’s a never-ending process of discovery, learning, sharing.

 

Because of the budget shortage, many of the fellows have been laid off from their jobs and those of us who are still working have had our meager pay cut yet again. One good thing from this, though, is that I see the fellows taking care of one another. We share what little we have and that is what truly matters – reaching out to one another and supporting one another. This reminds me of a favorite story; please excuse me if you’ve heart this, but it’s one I’d like to share with you.

 

As Ghandhi stepped aboard a train one day, one of his shoes slipped off and landed on the track. He was unable to retrieve it as the train was moving. To the amazement of his companions, Ghandhi calmly took off his other shoe and threw it back along the track to land close to the first. Asked by a fellow passenger why he did so, Ghandhi smiled. “The poor man who finds the shoe lying on the track,” he replied, “will now have a pair he can use.”

 

That’s what sharing is all about, isn’t it?

Letter from Tom

 

June 14, 2009

 

It’s early morning and I’m writing this at a table in the dayroom of the dormitory. This is my special quiet time, a good time to share some thoughts and feelings with you.

 

In the classroom, I’ve been focusing on words and their power to influence us. Words remind us of what we forget and they make us forgetful. They bewitch and betray us – and they bless us, too.

 

On the classroom board, I like to post things that will cause the students to think. Here are two statements that are presently on the board:

 

“The following statement is True.

The above statement is False.”

 

“I experience what I believe

Unless I believe I won’t,

In which case I don’t,

Which means I did!”

 

Statements like these cause us to say, “HUH?” and then to read them again and dig a little deeper.

 

Sometimes the multiple meanings of words can lead us to some humorous interpretations. Here are some actual headlines that have appeared in newspapers throughout the country.

 

“Something went wrong in Jet crash, Expert says.”

(No, Really?)

 

“Police begin campaign to run down Jay walkers.”

(this is taking things too far!)

 

“Juvenile Court to try shooting Defendant”

(Better than a fair trial?)

 

“If Strike isn’t settled quickly, It may last awhile.”

(you think so?)

 

“Red tape holds up new bridges.”

(Is that better than duct tape?)

 

“Hospitals are sued by Seven Foot Doctors.”

(Boy, are they tall!)

 

“Kids Make Nutritious Snacks”

(Taste like chicken?)

 

I wonder what those headline writers were thinking??

 

Sometimes our words and our beliefs can lead us into situations that are opposite of what might be expected. For example, here is a quote from “Bartlett Book of Anecdotes” –

 

“As a punishment for refusing to serve in the army, Poet Robert Lowell was imprisoned for five months by the U.S. Courts. While waiting to be transferred to Connecticut toserve the sentence, Lowell spent a few days in New York’s West Street Jail. During his stay there he was put in a cell next to Louie Lepke, a convicted member of Murder, Incorporated.

 

“ ‘I’m in for killing,’ Lepke said to the poet. ‘What are you in for?’

 

Lowell answered, ‘Oh, I’m oin for refusing to kill.’ ”

 

How ironic that is! It might be argued that the circumstances are different, but are we ever justified in killing? When we are violent to others, we do violence to ourselves, and eventually, we run the risk of becoming our oppressors. War will exist until some future time when the conscientious objector will enjoy the same reputation and prestige that the warrior does today.

 

As we work for peace and justice, we have to expect opposition to our work. We can look at it, though, as just another opportunity to practice nonviolence, loving others, and still insist on the truth of peace. We can do this because we know that Spirit is at work among us, disarming us all. This disarming is a stripping of pride and ego, a part of the rhythm of being alive and when the core is finally reached, everything becomes more real; everything is felt in a new and deeper way.

 

May we go forth today, exposed at a deeper level, realizing how precious life truly is.

The Gift of Losses

 By Charles “Tom” Brown

 

In coming to prison I’ve learned the hard way how resistance to losses increases the suffering. Instead there has to be a kind of surrender. I’ve found that the degree of suffering is directly related to the degree of holding on. Most of us don’t let go of anything very easily.

 

A subtle part of this dance with loss is knowing and remembering that although my body is imprisoned, my heart and mind have a different kind of freedom. The most important thing I’ve learned in the last ten years is that even in the midst of a long prison sentence, there can be happiness, even joy.

 

Now to the tricky part: all of life is a blessing, a gift. For years I couldn’t call the loss of material goods and my freedom a gift. It felt like a curse, actually, something undeserved and unnecessary. It still feels like a curse some days, but there are gifts here, too. Losses remind us that we don’t have forever to take care of what matters most to us. In these years of doing what I could to help other inmates, my life has opened up like a flower and grace has come in a thousand ways like a cloud of butterflies on a summer’s morning.

 

So loss is a dance, an admonition, a curse, a blessing. I would not wish it on anyone. Nonetheless, here I am. How can I not bow down to it? It has humbled me and stripped me bare; it has given me my true life.

May 10, 2009

 

It’s early morning in the dayroom. This is my refuge from the noise and crowded ness of the dormitory, a perfect time to write.

 

The legislature is considering an early release for non-violent offenders. Many other states are dong this and because of the budget deficits, it might actually become a law. There is a lot of pressure on them to do something. If it should pass, I would be getting out next year and if not, in 2011. Either way, it won’g be too long now. In the meantime, I’ll make the best of each new day.

 

I’ve been thinking of the gains and losses of these ten years in here and have written an essay on this topic called “The Gift of Losses” that I’ll enclose for you.Som any losses…so many gains. The best I can say for it is that it has been a transformative experience and I’ve gained an understanding and a compassion that I didn’t know existed. I’ve reached a point in my life where I feel there’s NOTHING more important than kindness and compassion. I’ve even developed some compassion for myself for not having enough compassion. Yea!

 

As I grow older I notice what an excellent time it is to practice letting go. I can forget about accomplishing all my ambitions – it’s too late for that. I can forget about “making something of myself”, a telling expression. Sometimes, for a moment, I taste the relief of letting this self fold gently int the next self, moment by moment, like eggs into batter. It’s time to forget some things and remember others.

 

You said it beautifully in one of your writings – “In the meantime, we all have to do the best we can to be the light we would hope to see.” Yes! In fact, I think I’ll sing about it…

 

(refrain of music)

 

This little light of mine

I’m gonna let it shine

Let it shine, Let it shine, Let it shine!

 

May we abandon ourselves into the message of this song. May our feet begin to tap and grow lighthearted as they sweep us along to the rhythm of the music. May we touch the harmonics of the soul.

The Last Essay

 
By Charles “Tom” Brown

It was late afternoon in the prison classroom, and we were discussing the topics for the GED essay when a hand went up in the back of the room. It was an elderly inmate who asked me a question that I’m still thinking about today. He asked, “If you knew you didn’t have long to live and could only write one last essay, what would you write?”

As I think about that question, I recall some of the lyrics of a song called “The Last Song”:

If this is my last song,
If this is my final day,
If tomorrow I’ll be gone,
What do I want to say?

Have I given hope to the hopeless?
Have the hungry all been fed?
Has the child stood a little taller
‘cause of something that I said?

Have I left a little kindness?
Have I eased a little pain?
If so, then I’m glad I came.
For that, I’m so glad I came.

One day we will reach a point where we will realize we are on our last leg of this time on Earth. We will see that so much came and went, so many people came and went, and so many things seemed real for a while, and then they were gone. Some we will remember, many we won’t.

Through grace, we’ll know that it is not the end of what is real; it’s only the end of the body, the end of the grand performance. We’ll know that our true Self doesn’t grow old and die. We’ll feel gratitude knowing that we live in eternity, without beginning or end, forever and always now.

In the end when we look back over the meaning of our life, we’ll see that all that really mattered was the way we cared for each other and that its greatest expression was in helping others. We’ll see that when we enter the sacred realm of the heart, the one thing that can never be taken from us, even by death, is the love we give away before we go. We’ll see that the most eloquent answer to death’s “no” is love’s “yes”.

Letter from Tom

Recently I sent a letter to Tom with all the comments that have been left for him on this BLOG. He is unable to access the BLOG himself, so receiving your heartfelt encouragement was very meaningful to him.  He was SO GRATEFUL for messages from readers of the BLOG, as you will see in the following letter. It is very lonely in prison, and if you would like to write to Tom, he would love to hear from you. His mailing address has changed and the new one is shown a couple posts down.

April 13, 2009

It’s 6 AM and I’m writing this in the day room of the dorm. It’s quiet in here at this time and I use it to meditate, do some yoga exercises, and to write. Each morning I spend time in here reconnecting myself to the sacred; to that place where hope grows and our lives are nourished.

Thanks so much for sending the BLOG comments. Those kind, supportive comments touched me deeply. They give me encouragement and inspiration. Please tell the readers how much it means to me.

You wrote “I think the downturn in the economy is going to serve our country well in unexpected ways. We may actually develop character again.” Yes, spaces are opening for new approaches. In a time of chaos like this, those who are clear about what’s important, who listen and create inclusive conversations, and who work across race, class, gender, and age lines, may have far more influence than they imagine. I believe we are taking steps in the right direction for the karma of our country.

As we personally go through the changes and the losses that life brings to us, I think it’s best to hope for an experience of life in all its fullness – a life that can embrace both joy and sorrow and still be at peace, because joy and sorrow are sure to come in this life.

Our triumph over sorrow is not that we can avoid it, but that we can grow from it. And therein lies our hope: that in spirit we might become bigger than the problems we face. Ultimately, the way to feel hope is to give hope to someone else. And then we see that it is all around us.

I think that all of us have at some time in our lives asked this question – “Why didn’t God make a world free of disease, free of accidents, free of problems?” We might answer that with “to learn lessons” or “to bring us closer to God,” but we can conclude that we’re here to continue God’s work.

If our Creator made a perfect world, it would be a magic trick, not creation. Creation is work. We are the ones who will have to create the world we are hoping for. We will still breathe when we have experiences losses, but we’ll also use pain to help ourselves out and to respond to the needs of others. That is how the Creator intended it to be. God wants us to know that life is an experience of beginnings, not endings.

You mentioned that your partner feels he has missed the boat economically – not being financially in a great space. However, he is doing work to help people who need someone to care and assist. That is where real wealth lies and I greatly admire him for the work he is doing.

I had to be stripped of absolutely everything in order to realize where real wealth lies. I found that what was left after I’d lost it all was what was real and lasting. I found that the inner riches are what really matter. And so…from one wealthy being to another, I salute you!

I’m glad your writing a children’s book. If we can influence them in their early formative years, it will make a difference in the rest of their lives. In the students that I’m teaching, I see many who have not had positive reinforcement in their early years and as a result, they have a very low opinion of themselves and don’t think they can learn. To deal with this, I want them to know that I care and I believe in them. It takes a lot of patience and persistence, but the reason I like teaching so much is that I can see them gaining a belief in themselves and a new perspective on life. And I can see these changes happening right before my eyes.

When they finally do make it and are handed their GED diploma, the look on their faces is unforgettable. Their look of pride mixed with the tears is absolutely priceless. It’s in moments like these we find real wealth.

The Blessing Extractor

This miraculous device operates something like a vegetable juicer. When using a juicer, you place a carrot in a funnel at the top of the machine, and the juicer deftly grinds the carrot up. Then it spits the pulp out of a little door and sends a golden stream of tasty juice out another chute.

The blessing extractor utilizes the same principle: you take any experience (painful ones actually work the best), and insert the whole thing into the blessing extractor. Press the right button (a willingness to grow from the experience), the extractor whirs a few seconds, and then shoots the tasteless unusable pulp (made up of  “heavy drama”, feelings of loss, and sorrow) out into a refuse basket. Simultaneously, out another door pours the blessings the experience has given you. Typcial blessings include deeper strength, greater aliveness, fresh insights, a more open heart, new direction, the dissolution of long standing self-destructive patterns, richer appreciation for your gifts, and on and on.

The most amazing feature of the blessing extractor is that long after the pulp is thrown away, the blessings keep flowing. It seems that each blessing the machine produces leads to many others.

May you all be richly blessed……………………….Tom

Tom's latest letter and NEW ADDRESS

2-26-09

I hope all is well in your world; my world is vastly different since my last letter to you. As you can see from the envelope, I’ve been moved. These movements are disruptive and inefficient, yet they keep continuously moving us from yard to yard.

Anyway, I’m back on the Lewis complex at Buckeye. No longer do I hear the birds singing or see the beauty of the trees, the bushes, the flowers. No longer do I have the privacy and peace and quiet of a private room. For a little while at least, it seemed like I was on a college campus; it didn’t seem like a prison. Now, however, it feels like I’m back in prison as I again find myself in a noisy, overcrowded dormitory on a barren yard.

A teaching position is not available now, so I’m volunteering to teach without pay until something opens up. This makes things pretty tight, but some of my former students are here, and I have a number of new ones, so I’m busy doing what I love to do – teaching and making a difference in the lives of others. On the “blessing side” of things (and that is where I like to focus), I have new friends to meet and new opportunities to help others.

One way to look at life’s disappointments is to view these events as a spiritual challenge. The best can be brought out of us during hard times. Every disappointment and every heartbreak is an opportunity to grow more loving and compassionate.

I’m reminded of a definition of compassion that I’ve always liked –
“Compassion is the recognition that we are each doing the best that we can within the limits of our current beliefs and capacities.”

It’s hard for me to judge others when I remember that.

I believ it’s time for me to pull out my handy dandy “Blessing Extractor” and see what I can extract from this move. As I use this marvelous device and continually look for the pony, I think of the way you ended one of your letters…
“merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.”
 
Tom’s new address:
Charles “Tom” Brown #140237
ASPC – Lewis – Bachman – 3 FIOL
P.O. Box 3500
Buckeye, AZ 85326
 

January 18, 2009

What a momentous time this is, both for our country and for each of us individually. Some dramatic changes are underway that seem scary and exciting.

It’s not only financial markets that have collapsed; it’s also the philosophy that gave money the precedence over all else. With the politics of division crumbling, spaces are opening for new approaches. Divisive me – first politics and trash-the-planet-to-make-money economics are on the way out.

So what ideas and guiding principles will take their place?

In times of chaos, those who are clear about what’s important, who listen and create inclusive conversations, and who work across race, class, gender, and age lines, may have far more influence than they imagine.

This is a time when new ideas and structures can take root and quickly flourish in the spaces left vacant by dying hidebound institutions. When we make choices that rely less on fossil fuels, global finance, and long supply chains and more on conservation, savings, and local production, we become less vulnerable to crises and more resilient in recovery from them. What once looked to the larger society like “hippie” behavior from the far-out fringe, now simply looks smart.

May we base this new world, this new era that we’re entering into, not on fear and exclusion, but on our sense of connection, joy, and gratitude. And in order for this new era to happen, everything had to break right. And for that we will someday owe sincere thanks to John McCain and Sarah Palin and George W. Bush. They not only screwed it up, they screwed it up just right.

When a new year begins, I tend to become more philosophical. I think of what I’ve learned and what lies ahead. My life’s lessons are much more subtle than they used to be. I used to have to be hit over the head with a “two-by-four” (losses, prison, etc), but now it’s like a gentle nudge.

If we don’t yet trust that every situation is a lesson, then we don’t bother to ask ourselves what the lesson is. And unless we do, our chances of learning from it are nil. Then the lesson will reappear – with ever higher stakes – until we learn it. The more times a lesson has to come around, the more pain it will generate. If we know in our heart that something is wrong, then ignoring it won’t make it any less so. It will simply make fixing it even harder, when it is brought about by a louder noise than the original sound of the whisper in our ear. My hope is that we can all hear that whisper and act upon that gentle nudge.

And thinking of another kind of nudge, Ralphie (Tom’s pretend dog) is nudging me with his nose and saying that he wants to speak to us. I should know better than this, but it’s a new year, so I’ll ask him what he wants.

“What is it, Ralphie?”

“Did you hear about the dog that was in an accident and his whole left side was cut off?”

“That’s awful, Ralphie!”

“Not really. He’s all right now.”

I think I must have received a “bad pun gene” from Ralphie because now I’m beginning to think like he does. HELP!

There’s much we can learn from dogs, though. They seem to know that life is good. Because they don’t have egos, they appear more loving. When humans love, most of us are timid about opening our hearts all the way. The ego wonders: “Will I be hurt? Will I be loved back? Will my needs be met or will I be abandoned?” Dogs don’t have these questions. They just love.

It seems as if the more we let go, the more we experience love. Love is beyond everything else – anxiety, desire, hope. Love is open hearted, demands nothing, and needs nothing. It is more likely to visit when our desires are quiet, when we don’t need or want much, and when we accept that everything we love is not permanent but is with us at this very moment.

Letter from Tom

11-28-08

I’ve been thinking of the “comings and goings” of life and decided to discuss this with Time. “Time, you illusionist, you show us there’s nothing up your sleeve, then, as if from thin air, you produce summer, fall, winter, spring. Delighted, we applaud. Then, one by one, the places we’ve lived, the people we’ve loved, appear from behind one curtain and disappear behind another. Amazing! Then in the blink of an eye, we, too, disappear. How about that!

“Time, what am I going to do with you? I wanted to milk today for all it was worth, as if you were a cow and all I needed was a bucket. But no sooner did I get started than you swished your tail and this bright new day is gone. ‘How can this be?’ I gasped. You raised your head and looked at me with eyes so big you’d think there would be room in them for some compassion. ‘Don’t forget your bucket,’ you said.”

In all of this “coming and going”, I need to remember that the world will go on being the world without me and without my endless attempts to turn what I know into language that will stand the test of time. And what kind of test is that, exactly? Time looks at me over the top of his reading glasses. “I guess you’ll just have to wait and see,” Time says.

I believe the true blessing of aging is that it can bring an awareness that there is a purpose to growing older, a coming home to the self, and a discovery of significance in a life that is so often stuffed full of busyness.

There’s nothing more gorgeous than a person’s unseen beauty, the kind that may take nearly a lifetime to cultivate. The young at heart are at home in every generation.

You said that you would like to send a book, and I would like to make a suggestion that instead of a book, the gift that would be most practical and helpful would be a money order payable to me with 140237 after my name. I know this seems impersonal, but it’s what would help the most. We have received a 25% cut in our meager pay and the cost of clothes and necessities that have to buy have been dramatically increased. Thank you for asking. That’s so thoughtful of you.

In these uncertain times, some people seem to have the opinion that the prison environment is one that is safer and more stable than that of the “outside world”. I’d like to respond to that opinion –

Safer? Of course there is more security, but there is also a higher concentration of those who commit violent crimes. Overall, I would not say it’s safer.

More stable? When freedoms are taken away, some of the results of poor decisions are removed. Ruts are stable and comfortable, but they rob us of creativity and innovation, and they rob us of our dreams.

I’ll take freedom any day hands down!!

I’ve made up a list of the gains and losses of the prison experience. It’s far from being complete, but it’s a few points that I thought of.

As much as possible, I like to focus on what is beyond uncertainty. No matter what decisions will be made by a new administration, there are some things that are changeless. Daffodils will bloom in the spring. Men and women will fall in love and, sadly, out of love. A broken heart will nonetheless keep beating one hundred thousand times a day.

No matter what governmental decisions are made, writers will write. Painters will paint. Three in the morning will still be three in the morning. The door in our psyche we don’t want to walk through will still be just down the hall. No matter what decisions are made, life will hand us the invisible threat that connects us all, love will hand us the needle.

Gains and Losses From The Prison Experience

Gains:
1. The gift of extra time that provides the opportunity to transform the inmate’s thoughts, and thus, his life, if he so chooses.
2. Basic survival needs are met. Though of poor quality, food, shelter, medical, and dental needs are met.
3. The same daily routine provides a bit of stability.
4. Life is simpler. There is less drama
5. There are opportunities to advance in education and work skills.

Losses:

1.The loss of sharing a daily life with a mate.
2.The loss of sharing special occasions with family and friends (holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, weddings, graduations, and funerals)
3.The loss of freedom to move about freely
4.The loss of freedom to make hundreds of decisions each day (what you can eat and who you can visit, where you can work and what kind of joy you can get, etc.)
5.The loss of reputations and personal dignity
6.The loss of privacy
7.The loss of material possessions
8.The loss of dreams

Send Tom a holiday card!

Editor's note:

The holidays are upon us, and prison is a lonely place. We asked Tom what books he would like as gifts from us, and he said that what he would really appreciate are money orders so that he can purchase paper, stamps, and pens. He said the cost of items in prison has gone up, and their stipend has gone down. So, if some of you have been long time readers of this blog for Tom and would like to send a note of appreciation, he'd love to hear from you - and if you can send a money order in any amount, he'd deeply appreciate that, too.

Money order should be made out to Charles "Tom" Brown, #140237

His current address:

Charles "Tom" Brown, #140237

ASPC - Florence - East Unit

P.O. Box 5000

Florence, AZ 85232

10-12-08

As I write this, the world markets are in a financial meltdown, and I’ve been thinking of how to go through this cycle. Albert Schweitzer give us good advice with these words –

“To the question whether I’m a pessimist or an optimist, I answer that my knowledge is pessimistic, but my willing and hope are optimistic.”

This reminds us that we need a little pessimism (healthy skepticism) to give us caution and to deal realistically with “what is”, and, at the same time, we also need optimism to hope and dream and build a better future (idealism). Learning to enjoy the rhythms of this dance is to grow and transform.

In coming to prison, I lost all material goods, my reputation, my freedom, and my dreams, so I’m certainly aware of the cycles of life. What I’ve learned from this is that ultimately, after we’ve experienced enough of the highs and lows, the laughter and the tears, we develop a capacity to embrace the whole with its beauty and outrageousness, in the graciousness of the heart.

May we remember that loss comes to all of us. It does not discriminate by age, culture, socioeconomic status, religious affiliation, spiritual maturity, or global location. We have a choice in how loss affects us and how we grieve. We can opt to turn away or we can choose to expect and accept loss as a way of life, to see it as a source of heart opening grace and growth. By so choosing, we can embrace loss in a lifelong healing journey toward wholeness.

The only adequate response when confronting uncertainty is to love as fully as we can in the little time we have. Life and loved ones, after all, are all the more precious because we can’t hold on to them forever.

On this early Sunday morning as I sit here writing this, I ask myself, “What right do I have to be here this morning?” None. No right at all. Yet here I am. All the more reason to not take for granted my mysterious life on this mysterious planet.

The birds are starting to sing outside my window: always on time; always on key; always jubilant. At least that’s how they sound to me. And what about the thousand shades of orange and yellow in this morning’s sunrise? This world would be hard to believe if you’d never seen it.
----------------------

Tom Brown Speaks From Prison

I’ve been thinking of how I can contribute to others when I am released in a couple of years, I’ll be old, broke, and homeless myself, (and that’s a little scary). But I know that somehow, it will work out. And because of this, I will be able to help others who are facing the same things. This experience gives me a depth of understanding and compassion that I could not have otherwise. From a God’s eye view, there’s not a bit of difference between the most highly accomplished human being and the most broken.

Working with people who are hungry and need to be fed, who are thirsty and need something to drink, who are in prison and need visitors; Or who are naked and need to be clothed – Opens up all kinds of things in our lives.

Until our hearts are broken, we’re less than complete human beings. If we are not able to recognize others’ pain, we are cut off from ourselves.

We all have the capacity to love and care, but it has to develop, and that involves pain. The payoff is our connectedness. There is the painful gouging out of the stone of our hearts, which can then be filled with kindness.

-------------------------

Editor's note:

The holidays are upon us, and prison is a lonely place. We asked Tom what books he would like as gifts from us, and he said that what he would really appreciate are money orders so that he can purchase paper, stamps, and pens. He said the cost of items in prison has gone up, and their stipend has gone down. So, if some of you have been long time readers of this blog for Tom and would like to send a note of appreciation, he'd love to hear from you - and if you can send a money order in any amount, he'd deeply appreciate that, too.

Money order should be made out to Charles "Tom" Brown, #140237

His address is: Charles "Tom" Brown, #140237, ASPC - Florence - East Unit, P.O. Box 5000, Florence, AZ 85232

Reflections of the Election - Letter from Tom

 

 

11-8-2008

 

What a momentous week this has been! Seeing voters standing in line for hours and in all kinds of weather gave me renewed hope for our country. The barrier of race in electing a president has finally been removed, a crowning moment in American political history. There are many serious challenges ahead, but perhaps, just perhaps, this fragile and wayward democracy is set right again.

 

How easy it is to keep up with the political news and the world events these days, and how tempting with so many sources of information. There’s always one more dot to connect, one more theory to ponder, one more witness with something different to say. But all the screaming headlines will still be screaming there little heads off the day I die – and no matter how many newspapers and magazines I read, I won’t understand this mysterious world any better by then. Maybe I need to focus more on what’s enduring and true – the one story that illuminates all our seemingly separate stories.

 

That one story has become more real to me since I have been moved from a noisy, overcrowded dormitory, to the blissful silence of a private room. As I write these words from this room, the silence is rich and dense, as if I had just dived into a refreshingly clear lake on a hot summer day.

 

It is here, in this silence, that the knowing comes, that the insight is seen and the healing witnessed.

 

Even in these chaotic times, I believe our everyday lives deserve celebration. As our world grows more complex, it takes more thought to do less. I want to remember that the world will go on being the world without me and my endless attempts to turn what I know into language that will stand the test of time. And what kind of test is that, exactly? Time looks at me over the top of his reading glasses. “I guess you’ll just have to wait and see,” Time says.

 

When we take the time to quiet our minds and go within, we can begin to open our eyes to the beauty and meaning in our lives. We can awaken to the natural world and the richness of our relationships with others. When we take time to see the sun rise and set, to really see the exploding colors of the universe, we awaken ourselves from cynicism and despair and open our hearts to the mysteries of nature, our bodies, our lives.

 

In silence, we see more clearly our thoughts and feelings, our hopes and losses, and if we continue with the silence, we feel the tug of the Spirit calling us to a larger life. There is nothing to do in that silence but “be”. There are no landmarks, no GPS systems to guide us, save for the rhythym of our own hearbeat, and the rise and fall of our own breath.

 

Ultimately, we find that real freedom is born out of a capacity to work with any energy or difficulty that arises. Real freedom comes when we are quite present and have come to rest in the moment. This is when we find that  which we were running around seeking is at our door.

 

November 9, 2008

 

It is the next day. I was interrupted yesterday by one of the fellows with a need. I have become a “counselor” here. They seem to think I have the answers to their problems. Of course, I don’t always have those answers, but I listen to them and I care, and that is often what is needed.

 

November 6th was my 10 year anniversary in here, and I’ve been thinking of that, of what a transformative experience it has been, and what I would like to do when I get out. I wrote some of those thoughts in a letter to another friend and he typed it up, phrased it in a poetic format, and sent it back to me. He sent extra copies, so I’ll enclose one for you.

 

 

Poets and Dreamers and Clowns

 
By Charles “Tom” Brown
Copyright 2008

In this age of chaos and uncertainty, we can find comfort in the visionaries, the ones who look beyond the limited view of our world and see a world of hope and infinite possibilities. They brighten our days with their hopes and light-hearted way of seeing things. They’re our poets and dreamers and clowns.

Poets jolt our souls out of the dormitory of the ordinary. In beautifully executed lines they do more than just present old, trite truths in a new light; they give us new eyes. They collect experiences and shape them into forms that cause us to think. Their words encourage us to mine our lives for the jewels they contain. They’re like candles flickering in the darkness. They help us to notice every beautiful and tragic thing, and the power of their words can move us to action and laughter and tears.

Dreamers remind us that the impossible dream can be realized. They see beyond the limitations of things as they are; they see what could be. They are the ones who find solutions where none seem to be available, who see the rainbow where others see only the rain. They believe that life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.

Clowns see the world newly-washed. They’re the pegs on which the circus can be hung, the hooks on which the magic is begun. Clowns tell us – if we listen – that something wonderful really can happen. With their rubber nose, feet like ducks, outlandish clothes, they mirror ourselves, stripped of pretension, stripped of protection. Clowns take the risk first and show us we can be real and let others know our pain, our need, our joy, our strength. There they are with naked feelings hanging out. That sigh, that tear, that laugh – don’t hide it, says the clown. Let it come. Let it happen. Let it be.

These visionaries remind us that the future is open and that we have a candle burning within us that’s ready to light the world. They tell us that magic really can happen.

The Sacredness of It All

copyright 2008

People often ask, “What political party do you belong to?” “What religion are you?” In using labels we get into this duality: am I a this or a that, as opposed to a human being? We all like to know who people are. We like to say, “He’s a this, she’s a that”. Then we think we know who they are.

All labels are restricting, though. They’re hard to wear. They’re hard to wear because we’re always growing. We don’t have a fixed definition, and this process of living is evolving us all the time.

It’s much easier to lose sight of our oneness and to feel separated from each other if we depersonalize and dehumanize each other. Once a person is labeled as “not like us,” the rules of civilized behavior no longer apply. Then we can justify feelings of unforgiveness and separation. It’s easy to erase “insurgents, enemy combatants, terrorists, and protesters.” In Iraq and Afghanistan our soldiers call the enemy “rats”. Psychologically, humans can kill rats much more easily than they can kill hungry, tired, frightened young people much like themselves. Once we have a label that doesn’t fit us, we can ignore the humanity of the labeled.

Labels encourage us to have a disposable mind-set: disposable products, disposable species, disposable people. We don’t see our brothers and sisters, much less all the animal species, as sacred. When we are in the presence of something we consider sacred, the natural response is to be humble and respectful and careful.

When we do see the sacredness of each other, we can begin to feel the failings and foolishness, the wonders and joy of being alive and being connected to one another. We see those “other beings” aren’t really others after all; they are us and we are them.

8-10-2008

Today, when communication in general is diminished, “real letters” are the equivalent of archaeological discoveries. With the increasing use of 3-mail and instant messaging, communications have lost a quality of depth and intimacy. Letters like you and I write are the stories of our souls. They can be read again and again and deeply pondered. I like to celebrate “the reading” of your letters slowly. It’s irreverent to read them fast.

I like to write these words slowly, too. There’s a time for quick communication, but a letter from the heart takes time. Time for the thought to go from my head to my heart and then through my arm and onto this pen and finally onto this page.

A letter bears its own copyright. It bears the dreams and yearnings, the gratitude and delight, that come from the heart of a newly published author. What a feast our letters are!

When we write with a caring heart, the words reach in and touch the deepest part of ourselves. They’re no longer cold and indifferent; they’re now infused with a life energy. They put us in touch with our feelings and that may bring forth a chuckle or a tear. They seem to dance on the page.

I sound like an “old timer” reminiscing about the “good ole days”, but I do miss the old days when there was more connection and less competition, more community and less isolation, more conversation and less TV and e-mail.

In listening to the news this morning, I kept hearing the word “crisis” used over and over again. But being an eternal optimist, I’m always looking for the pony. Well, I found it in an article in Time Magazine. (7-14-08) titled, “Ten Things You Can Like About $4 Gas.” It went on to say, “Beyond the agony at the pump, life is getting a little better in ways we may not be aware of.” The ten points are –
1. Globalized jobs return home
2. Sprawl stalls
3. Four-day workweeks
4. Less pollution
5. More frugality
6. Fewer traffic deaths
7. Cheaper insurance
8. Less Traffic
9. More cops on the beat
10. Less obesity

Sometimes it’s hard to find positive results of what is happening, but they’re always there, and those ten points are some I hadn’t though about. Perhaps the various crises that we see happening in our society today will help to speed up the radical changes that are so badly needed.

June 1, 2008

I laughed at something I read by Roy Blount, Jr., and I’d like to share it with you…
“If you were a member of Jesse James’ band and people asked you what you were, you wouldn’t say, ‘Well, I’m a desperado’. You’d say something like, ‘I work in banks’ or ‘I’ve done some railroad work’. It took me a long time to just say, ‘I’m a writer.’ It’s really embarrassing.”

Ah, the fame/shame of being a writer! (smiley face)

I’m sitting outside at a table writing this and the birds are providing a morning chorus for me. It’s especially loud at this time of year when birds are mating or establishing and defending a territory. Different birds have different thresholds of sensitivity to light that triggers the morning song session.

And then, there is the bird who sings all night. It’s an unmated male mockingbird, and it is working overtime in hopes of attracting a female, who, if she has any sense at all, is home in her nest asleep.

You wrote of “The Circle of Life” in Seasons of the soul. It’s a beautiful, heart-felt essay. It inspired some thoughts of the last stage as you wrote “…this process of releasing life takes the time it needs for us to gather ourselves in preparation for the next great journey.”

If I were facing that, I would want those who care about me to know that if aging should rob my strength, mental alertness, and physical stamina, I would offer them the strength of my conviction, the depth of my love, and the spiritual stamina of a soul that has been carefully shaped by the hard edges of life.

And so, when I can no longer dance, I will sing joyfully; when I haven’t the strength to sing, I will whistle with contentment; when my breath is shallow and weak, I will listen intently and should love from my heart; and when the bright light approaches, I will pray until I cannot pray.

Then it will be time for me to go home, time for the next grand adventure.

As always, it has been a joy to connect with you. We bridge the gap between time and distance and meet at the level of the soul.

May 31, 2008

Thank you for “Gifts of the Soul”. It’s an excellent book of healing, and I especially like the exercises. They make it practical and useful for us, regardless of our circumstances. They challenge us to not despair, but to dive deeply into our hearts to find the wisdom that can heal and liberate us.

Thank you, too for your kind words. Sometimes when this prison experience seems like it will never end and the light at the end of the tunnel begins to flicker, along comes a message from you reminding me of who I am and not to give up. Your words and your loving support have made a huge difference in my life, and I just want you to know how much it means to me. You and the work you’re doing are truly Spirit made visible.

It’s magical to see Spirit because many times when we only see the masks and the holograms that the culture presents as real. We’re not our bank accounts or our ambition. We’re not our collection of personality disorders. We are Spirit, we are love, and even though it’s hard to believe sometimes (especially here is prison), we are free. If we find out next week that we’re terminally ill – and we’re all terminally ill on this bus – what will matter are memories of beauty, that people loved us, and that we loved them.

When I tend to forget this, when I have the “itch” to be refueled and renewed, I return to the doorways of the heart that have opened me before. For me, the “itch” gets “scratched” by beginning the day with softness and silence before the bumps and nicks and noise rush in, before the confusions and conflicts tighten my sense of things.

The quiet times can cast a spell on our hearts. They remind us who we are capable of being. They provide points of connection with what is authentically true. They illuminate the meaning with which we imbue an experience, raising it to the realm of divine understanding.

In the ritual of quieting my mind and going within, I remember that I am a creature of fertile soil and endless sky, and that the acts of praise and thanks and music and tears transform me. It helps me to see the while I keep looking for the wings of a sparrow, the wings of an eagle have already been given me. It reminds me that we’re all like birds who have forgotten we have these wings and we were meant to spread them and fly, fly, fly!

May 4, 2008

It’s a quiet Sunday morning and I’m sitting outside at a table writing this. And how about the magic and the mystery of this moment! Here I am, making these marks on a sheet of paper that you will read sometime in the future and give meaning to. I feel your presence as I write this, and you’ll feel my presence as you read it. I remind myself daily that everything is in order and that this very moment is a miracle, as is everything around me.

The warm sun is shining. The birds are singing. All is well. An old saying comes to mind…
“Sitting quietly, doing nothing
Spring comes and the grass grows.”

There have been many times when I’ve tried to “push the river” and force things to happen before they were ready to germinate. I’m still learning to “go with the flow.”

I’m reminded that you can’t pry the petals of a flower open, but you can provide the flower with healthy soil and plenty of sunlight and water. Then, when the petals do blossom, they will unfold in just the right way and time, and the flower will be an expression of beauty and grace.

It’s hard to believe how quickly time is passing – even here in prison.  I’ve heard that it takes about ten years to get used to how old you are. Well, I think it takes longer than that. I’m still not used to my age. There’s a little boy in me who keeps asking, “What happened?” He’s the part of me that still looks at life with awe and wonder, the part that creates a dog named Ralphie who tells bad puns, the part that loves to sing and dance and play.

In fact, that part of me is acting up right now as I feel a tug on my pant leg. It’s Ralphie and his insisting on telling us something. I know I shouldn’t do this, but I’m going to humor the little fellow.

“Ralphie, what is it?”

“Do you remember the story I told you about the WING and the WONG families? Although there are many people in China, there are few telephones. The reason for this is because there are so many people with the names WING and WONG and the authorities are afraid they’ll WING the WONG number.”

“How could we forget that, Ralphie? It’s awful.”

“Well, I have some news about the WONG family. Something very unusual has happened to them. Mr. and Mrs. WONG have had a Caucasian baby and we all know that two WONGS don’t make a white.”

“What’s the baby’s name, Ralphie?”

“They have named him “SUM TING WONG.”

When Ralphie tells those Chinese puns, I get disoriented. As you can see, he has no shame.

It’s hard to follow him with anything sensible, so I’m not going to try.

Sending you love and blessings!

The Deepest Things

 

 

 

by Charles “Tom” Brown

Copyright 2008

 

It has always amazed me to see how the deepest things in life are intangible. It seems that the things that are worth saying are unsay able.

 

We spend a lifetime gaining grain after grain of wisdom, working to understand it and struggling to express it, only to become more and more a part of it. We age into a stillness and become unspeakable ourselves.

 

We take years of living to squeeze a few precious words from all that will not speak, and steadily, being shaped by our suffering and polished by our joy, we become the earth, knowing more and saying less. Ironically, after a lifetime, we may finally have important things to say, just as we lose our ability to say them. Yet this doesn’t diminish all we try to say. For the fact that sound always ends in silence doesn’t make music any less precious.

 

This is necessary, though. It’s how spirit recycles. We are each born one step closer to our Source than those we are born to, for which we are loved by some and never forgiven by others. We each will die with one more thing to say. We each will wake with something familiar on our lip, which we must find and love.

Little Buddies

 
By Charles “Tom” Brown
Copyright 2008

A fellow inmate, Mike, found a ground squirrel that had been injured and left to die in the hot sun. Mike rescued him and began to nurse him back to health. He named his new friend “Little Buddy” and created a bed for him next to his. He fed him and gave him milk from an eye dropper. With Mike’s gentle care, Little Buddy began to grow stronger and was soon being his playful self. The bond between the two grew and grew and what a strange and wonderful sight it was to see this large, tough-looking man nurturing and caring for his tiny friend.

But then, the inevitable happened. Mike woke up one morning and found that Little Buddy had died during the night. I don’t think I have ever seen anyone so broken up. Mike cried uncontrollably.

These two were together for only a few weeks and yet, Mike will never be the same again. Perhaps, after all, Little Buddy’s purpose was to help Mike get in touch with his feelings. If we open up to these unexpected messengers, animals can be some of our greatest teachers.

A study showed that when patients in several nursing homes were allowed to keep small lap pets, their medication need was reduced by 70 percent and their mortality rate slowed by 50 percent. It is not medication that keeps us alive; it is the giving and receiving of love that sustains us.

I applaud the furry, four-legged, two legged, flopping and flying animal friends who grace us with so many gifts. They soothe and uplift our soul.

Who's To Say

By Charles "Tom" Brown

copyright 2008

Who’s to say that the budding of wings from the ribs of small birds doesn’t begin with the impulse within them to live?

Who’s to say that the butterfly breaking through its cocoon isn’t the result of its being tired of living in a tight weave of its own making?

And who’s to say the color of passion doesn’t line our faces the instant we grow tired of living in a tight cocoon of our own making?
Who’s to say the journey to love doesn’t begin the instant we give voice to that loneliness that no one wants to hear?

Who’s to say the journey to peace doesn’t sprout like a small wing the instant we let our feelings find their place in the world?

In truth, every effort that is allowed its full beat within will ripple as a birth of some kind in the world.
--------------
Tom is full of wisdom and insights, and loves to send and receive mail, so  if you would like to write to Tom, he loves hearing from his readers. His address has changed in the past few months. Please send your letters to him at the following UPDATED address:

Charles “Tom” Brown               
#140237                               
ASPC—Florence—East Unit   
P.O. Box 5000                         
Florence, AZ 85232

April 1, 2008

Sometimes it just feels good to get up on a soapbox and do a little venting. This is one of those times. It is being triggered by an article that appeared in The Boston Globe. Here is an excerpt from it…

“America, the Land of the Unfree”

“What is the world’s leading prison state? You might think it is repressive China or Puten’s Russia. But as a recent Pen Center study revealed, it’s the U.S. where 2.3 million people – one out of every 100 adult Americans, no languish behind bars. Per capita our rate of imprisonment easily exceeds that of Russia, is six times that of China and seven times that of Germany and France.

“…yet in an amazing act of hypocrisy, the State Department last week issued an annual human rights report that condemned Russia, Burma, and China for arbitrarily imprisoning too many of their citizens. Nations that live in glass prisons shouldn’t throw stones!”

I don’t think it should be any surprise that the country that has the most prisons also has the world’s biggest pollution problem. We have a disposable mind-set: disposable products, disposable species, disposable people. We don’t see our brothers and sisters, much less all the animal species, as sacred. The failure to honor the sacred is at the root of the prison problem and the ecological problem.

It’s easy to forget that what any of us does affects all of us, every time, all the time. We forget that we (people, bugs, dolphins, eagles, poodles, etal) are all interdependent. Those “other” beings aren’t really others after all; they are us and we are them.

When we allow ourselves to see the Divine everywhere, and believe that there is nowhere God is not – including inside us – we can release any sense of unworthiness and embrace our magnificence. Let’s imagine a world of beings who are doing that, who are conscious of their wholeness and who identify with and make choices from their Divine nature. Imagine the good, the joy, the love, and the caring that will be poured out across the planet when all humans openly embrace and fully express their sacred selves. Just imagine it!

(I’ll now step down from my soap box and face the reality of this moment). It’s fun to dream and imagine, though, and I do believe that someday, in a more enlightened age, these imaginations will become a reality. Also, at that time, prisons will be known as houses of rehabilitation and compassion rather than basically houses of punishment.

Beyond Appearances

By Charles “Tom” Brown
Copyright 2008

It was time to apply for a hearing to get some relief from a long prison sentence. The date had been set by the Clemency Board. A defense fund had been set up to hire an attorney, the letters of support poured in, and friends appeared on my behalf. There was so much loving energy. There were so many prayers expressed. And yet, my application was denied.

My first reaction was, “How could this happen? I don’t understand this. It’s unfair!” As time went by, though, I began to realize that crying “unfair” was keeping me stuck in what hurts. As long as I see what has come to pass as being unfair, I’ll be a prisoner of what might have been.

When I go behind the appearance of unfairness and look at the larger picture, I can begin to change my view of the uncertainties of life. This change brings about an attitude that allows me to discover what is hidden in all experiences. Then I can begin to see wholeness rather than good and bad fortune. In a world of unity, there is no good or bad luck; it’s indivisible. What is called “bad” fortune has “good” just waiting to emerge because it’s the other half.

We have all known a time when it seemed as though the light in our lives might never return. It can feel like that’s all there is. If that is where we are and we’re unable to see a situation as part of a larger picture, let’s remind ourselves that good fortune is leaning on the bad one, just as morning follows night. It’s invisibly there in all moments of despair.

No matter what occurs in our lives, we can become better people because of it. If we had not gone through our difficult time, we could not have learned what it had to teach us. When we have learned to embrace all the cycles of life, our backbones will be a little straighter and our heads will be a little higher. When we have suffered and transcended our suffering, we will emerge with a sacred knowledge embedded in our cells. There is nothing more beautiful than the mantle of a survivor, and there is nothing more illumined than the new personality that comes forth when the old one has been laid to rest.

3-12-08

The denial by the Clemency Board was a shock to all of us. I fully believed that I would be approved for Phase II where I could meet with the Board in person, and with an attorney there and a lot of support. I just couldn’t imagine them turning me down…but they did. It was obvious that their minds were already made up and nothing we could have said or done would have made a difference. It’s always safer politically to say “no” at a hearing like this.

I don’t understand why this has happened and there really aren’t any answers. Something happened this morning, though, that reminded me to have faith. It was dark outside, no daylight yet, but the birds were singing and the doves were cooing. They knew instinctively that the light was coming. Deep with me, I know that, too…the light is coming. There’s nothing in this world, not a thin in the universe that is not in perfect order. Everything proceeds according to this perfect design.

May we all find comfort in this truth, and may God bless our journey of awakening.

Tom's request for commutation of sentencing denied

I received this e-mail from Tom's friend, Averelle, who helped hire an attorney to represent Tom at his latest request for commutation. This e-mail says it all, and I am disgusted with Arizona's legal system. It must be very lucrative to keep people in prison when even the only victim of Tom's crime to be present on the phone stated he has spent enough time in prison. What a sham the review board is. Read for yourself. I am grateful NOT to live in Arizona!!

Editor

"Bad news--Tom's hearing request for commutation of sentencing was denied. There were 10 supporters present (including Dave - the attorney - who presented a good case)--there was one victim via phone. Tom was not allowed to be present, nor was he on the phone like before. We were all shocked and very disappointed. The board (consists of 7--only 4 were present) had not read the letters (apparent in their remarks--although the lead board member briefly looked at them in the hearing.) He did read parts of one letter from a judge --acknowledging it was from that person's personal view.

The one victim, on the phone even stated Tom had done enough time and he was not in opposition to him being released--even that didn't hold any weight. In all honesty, the board hearing leader gave his vote, and the others followed without any discussion. Very dissappointing. Tom can reapply in 2 years--there is no appeal to this board's decision."