Beyond The Wall

6-5-2005

As you can see from the flap of the envelope, cartoon dog Ralphie’s brother, Freddie, is helping to deliver this letter to you. Except for Freddie’s larger ears, they look eerily alike.

Freddie is dyslexic and likes to remind me that dyslexics have more FNU. He wants them to band together and UNTIE. When he barks, he goes “WOW BOW!” “WOW BOW!”

Recently, these two brothers saw a beautiful, enticing female Poodle. They slobbered all over themselves hoping for just a glance from her. Aware of her effect on Ralphie and Freddie, she decided to be kind to them and said, “The one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.”

Freddie spoke up quickly and said, “I love liver an cheese.”

“Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle. “That shows no imagination whatsoever. How about you, Little Guy?”

Ralphie gave her a smile, a sly wink, turned to Freddie and said, “Liver alone. Cheese mine!”

I hope this “tomfoolery” brightens your day a bit.

I continue to teach and write and hope that someday, somehow, my sentence will be shortened. In the meantime, I’ll do all I can to help the fellows here and to make the best of each day.

Recently, one of my students asked me an interesting question, one that I’ve been thinking about. He asked, “What article would you write if you knew it was to be your last one?” Actually, I have that thought with each one. Enclosed is one that I felt very deeply –   and my answer to that question would be “one like this.”

AH!

By Charles “Tom” Brown

Copyright 2005

The young girl sat alone at a table next to mine in the prison visitation room. Her inmate boyfriend had been notified that he had a visitor. However, it finally became evident that he was not coming out. After several hours of waiting, she sadly walked out.

Later, I found out who had refused to see her. I asked him why and he replied, “Because of what she did, I have fallen out of love with her.”

I thought to myself, “How could that be? There is no “out of Love”. It’s what we are, deeper and richer than all the spiritual promises and far more ordinary and real. We don’t “fall in or out of love” because we are permanently in the flow of love itself.

Love is the way we are meant to live; love is the measure of the meaning of life. Without it life is a bare existence; with it, life comes alive. It’s the difference that gives life meaning. When we touch life with love, it grows warm and shines down the corridors of the mind with a light that does not fade but grows brighter and more beautiful with the years.

When love is present nothing is the same. Even the drab gray walls of this prison begin to glow. It’s as if we are transported into a different world, love’s world. Then things are seen through love’s eyes. Then the pain may turn into a poem, and the sorrow may blossom as a ministry.

Love is what shines from our eyes, beats from our heart, speaks with our voice, and meets itself everywhere.

Sooner or later, love will reclaim us all. But to let that happen now, to die into love now, before the body dies…

“…”Ah”.

5-1-2005

As you can see, Ralphie (cartoon dog character of Tom’s) has returned from his vacation. I was so glad to see him that I asked him to walk with me this morning.

As we were walking along, I noticed a black bird sitting on top of the razor wire fence.

“I’ve always wondered what the difference is between a crow and a raven,” I said.

“You have to count the pinion feathers on the wings,” Ralphie explained. “If there are four, it’s a crow. If it’s five, it’s a raven.”

“Really?” I said, although I knew he didn’t have a clue what he was talking about.

“Oh, yes,” he replied, “it’s just a matter of a pinion.”

Being a dog, he thinks he can dog me write his dogmatic doggerel. He’s even threatened to tell his ma about me. He says that his dogma.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to continue with anything sensible? I’m bravely going to try now…

I believe that punning and word play are a portal to the soul. When we start out playing with words, we never know where it will go. When it changes direction, as it so often does, it leaves us wondering. “WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?”

Word play takes us into the right brain where anything can happen. It’s as though the sacred is dancing between the words or lines, waiting for our playful energy to reveal it. Our goal here, I believe, is to mine the ordinary moments of our lives for the nuggets they contain.

I have attempted to do this with an incident that recently happened in the visitation room. It inspired some thoughts that resulted in an Essay called, “Ah!” I’ll enclose a copy.

The Search For Beauty

by Charles “Tom” Brown

Copyright 2005

Looking for an enjoying beauty is a way to nourish the soul. It is the deepest dream of the human soul to be in the intimacy of Divine Beauty. Even in the drab environment of this prison yard from which I write, inmates are continually trying to create drawings and objects that are esthetically appealing.

One of the most important – and most neglected – aspects of our lives is the ability to respond to reality, to see the value and the beauty in ordinary things, to come alive to the splendor that is all around us. So often, we just do not see it.

In turning away from things that are graceful and elegant, we turn away from all that is wholesome and true and deliver ourselves into an exile where the vulgar and the artificial dull and deaden our human spirit. There is a widespread habit in our society of mistaking glamour for beauty. Far too much emphasis is put upon good looks, image, and fashion. Far too little attention is given to the dignity, grandeur, and nobility of the human spirit.

It has been said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I know that by beholding it in every person and in every place, I am blessed. I find that walking this path is acknowledging the goodness of creation and feeling the radiance in everything.

Thomas Merton eloquently expressed this when he wrote: “Then it was as if I suddenly saw the secret beauty of their hearts, the depths where neither sin nor desire can reach the person each one of us is in God’s eyes. If only they could see themselves as they really are. If only we could see each other that way, there would be no reason for war or hatred or cruelty. I suppose the big problem would be that we would fall down and worship each other.”

I believe that the day will come when we will review our life and be thankful for every minute of it. Every hurt, every sorrow, every joy, every celebration, every moment of our life will be a treasure to us, for we will see the utter perfection of the great design. We will stand back from the weaving and see the tapestry, and we will weep at the beauty of it.

4-5-05

As you can see, the Red Baron (cartoon character) is helping to deliver this letter to you. He has graciously offered to do this since Ralphie is on vacation.

Ralphie (dog cartoon character) is traveling overseas. In fact, I just received the following letter from him.

“Hi, Tom! Hawaii?

“I tried to Rome around, stay healthy, and not come down with the Prague. I thought that by Dublin up on my clothes and wearing them in Paris, it would help, but there’s just Norway to keep warm here.

“As Iran around the countryside, I got Hungary and stopped at a roadside vender. I tried to buy a Hamburger without too much Greece, but Egypt me. I thought to myself, “What’s got India? Jamaica few bucks from a poor little dog like me. Kenya beat that? I Congo along with that.

“Havana good time, though, and will see you soon.”

Ralphie (paw print next to his name)

I not only have to deal with Ralphie’s unruly behavior, but now to my horror, he’s becoming a punster, too. He’s becoming a purveyor of pungent, punitive puns. More than once, I’ve been punctured and punished by the punch punt of a pun from this punster. What can I do…what can I do?

After this “tomfoolery”, it’s really hard to be serious, but I am now going to try.

Even after six and a half years of being in prison and writing about it, getting out of the way of the mind and putting forth the heart, which is writing at its best, continues to beckon the healing I took birth for, the completion. To call the mind into the heart reminds me to tell the truth and meditate a bit more on what I dare call truth.

I find that no matter how closed the mind or frightened the heart, liberation is always available. Remarkable openings can occur with a great sigh of letting go, of sinking through level after level of fear and holding, when the heart is reached.

Approaching the truth is always dependent on our intuition and willingness to go farther and to trust the sense of connectedness. Slowly, painfully peeling back one difficult holding after another, the spaciousness of the natural open heart is eventually revealed.

You wrote of getting back to your center and writing in a way that would help others to unwind the strands of illusion that we all create. Writing deeply to unwind those strands of illusion and to heal is not easy. It is a bold, courageous step, one of the most daring adventures into the unknown we’ll ever take, but its rewards exceed all risks. At the end of this tunnel stands a deeper connection with both the divine and the rhythms of the body and a deeper understanding of ourselves.

Furthermore, we will emerge wiser. We’re releasing the collective knowledge contained within our bodies and bringing it into the light.

11-14-05

From the editor:

I have been putting Tom's past letters and articles on the Blog almost every  day since I started it. However, as you can see by the dates of his letters, we're coming close to the end of the daily missives. In a few weeks there will not be enough to post each day - so I'm asking any of the readers who have received letters from him to please post them if you think they have value to others. There is a section for comments after each letter or article on this BLOG, and it would be very helpful if some of you who have been in contact with Tom through the years would share his perspective as he's written to you, or share personal stories of how he has influenced your life and helped you in ways tangible or otherwise.

I've written to Tom and asked for more articles so we can keep up the flow - and hopefully he'll have the time and inclination to write more. In the meantime some of his articles are being featured on www.planetlightworker.com in the free section, so please visit that website and click on his column so they will make him a permanent columnist. All online magazines choose who stays and who goes based on the number of hits they get to a particular column - so let's keep Tom's work out in the universe to help uplift, inspire and bring a chuckle to others. He's a shining example of blessings amidst adversity.

Thanks so much for your continued readership!

Detail of Making the Van Gogh

by Charles “Tom” Brown

Copyright 2005

As I walked along, I heard decry of defeat and thought I would see if I could make my Van Gogh.

Sitting carefully in deceit, I didn’t want to flatten decrease in deplete of my pants. It might disturb depress of it.

However, detest of my intentions came when I read design. It warned me not to drive in defog. Even when I turned on delights, they didn’t penetrate devoid.

I didn’t want to pay define for device of disobeying design and driving in defog. Then, default would be mine, demean policeman would give me a ticket, and defer would fly.

Thus, when it came time for detest and for devote within myself, I took decide of not wanting to make the Van Gogh.

2-13-2005

Thank you for the articles you sent to me. I enjoyed them and really appreciate the various “goodies” that you send to me.

I’m glad you and Steve are being helped by your nutritional program. How I wish I could join you! The choice here is between junk food and junk food. I have tried to get some nutritional choices available here, but my voice falls on deaf ears. They simply aren’t interested. The only choice I have is my attitude when I’m eating and I choose to be thankful and to bless the food even if it lacks nutrition.

Our friend the judge sent a letter to me that introduced me to some other members of the Van Gogh family and you may not have heard of them either…

A brother who travels…..Winny Bay Gogh

A cousin in the USA…..Gring Gogh

An uncle who ate prunes…..Gotta Gogh

When I received this, my mind immediately went to how I could play with the words “Van Gogh.” The result is “Detail of Making My Van Gogh,” which I enclose for you.

Sorry, my mind didn’t make degrade on this one and it jumped over defense.

With my last letter, I enclosed “The Inquiring Mist.” I also sent a copy to our friend the judge and he rewrote it in verse form. It changes the energy of it and I like it in this format. (Enclosed)

I want to thank you again for the efforts you have made to contact an attorney for me. I have tried to contact some, too, and they don’t even bother to answer. I’ll be eligible for a parole hearing in April and there is a new member on the board, so I’m hoping for some relief then.

In the recent tsunami disaster in South Asia it was reported that people didn’t know it was coming and even if they saw the huge waves approaching, they denied the reality of it. However, the animals were largely able to save themselves. They knew. We can learn a lot from animals, can’t we?

I read a wonderful story about a prison where they allowed inmates on good behavior to have small pets. One death row inmate was given a kitten. Everyone noticed that he loved and cared for the kitten with tremendous tenderness. He said it was because it was the only thing that ever loved him.

Perhaps the inclination to kindness is so easy to give to animals because they so easily show kindness to us. There is, after all, no psychiatrist in the world nearly as effective as petting a cat curled in your lap, or a puppy licking your face.

One of the things I would like to do when I’m out of here is to go to the zoo and communicate with the animals. In the meantime, I have my little cartoon buddy, Ralphie. As you can see by the flap of the envelope, he’s helping to deliver this letter to you.

Ralphie tells me, through, that he had difficulty delivering my last letter to you. As he approached your house, he was attacked by a flock of terns (picture of a bird).

The terns kept swooping down and disturbing him so he decided to show them a thing or two. He found some of them on the ground near your home and he started throwing stones at them. He was quite accurate, too, because he reported that he left no tern unstoned!

It’s hard to follow that with anything sensible, so I’ll close for now. It’s pouring rain outside as I write this, But I’m sending you sunshine. Together, let’s find a rainbow!

1-1-2005

Thank you so much for the money order. It will help me to buy some needed things from the commissary and I deeply appreciate it.

This is the first time I’ve written “2005” in a letter. These years are really flying by, aren’t they?

I think of that old saying, “Time Flies When You’re Having Fun!” And that reminds me of what one frog said to another, “Time’s Fun When You’re Having Flies!” (Guess it’s true either way).

There’s so much suffering in the world at the beginning of this year. All I can do is cling to my core belief that there is nothing in this universe that is not in perfect order and that everything proceeds according to this perfect design. This includes the transformation from this life to the next. The world events right now challenge this belief and make it hard to make sense of it all, but this is where faith enters in.

And so, I enter the New Year with hope. Being the eternal optimist that I am, it seems that sometimes I’m like the fellow who jumped off the roof of a high-rise building. As he was falling and passing each floor, he was heard saying, “So far, So Good!”

(Now THAT is optimism!)

I decided to start the new year by walking around the track early this morning. It was so foggy the sun could barely shine through. My thoughts were a mixture of sadness and hope. When I came back to the dorm, I wrote those thoughts into an article (the article, The Inviting Mist, was sold to a magazine with all rights reserved, so cannot be published on the blog).

Wishing you a beautiful new year!

The Long Journey

by Charles “Tom” Brown

Copyright 2004

In many ways, the longest journey we will ever have to take is from the head to the heart. Our head (mental level) always wants to be right, always wants to justify, to judge someone or something. Our heart, however, has no need to be right or to justify. The heart simply wants to love and understand.

Recently, a television documentary told the story of a daughter who was able to answer a letter from one of the men who murdered her father and later to meet with him. This compassionate act raises the question, “How do we reconcile our grief with the offender’s inherent worth and dignity? By quieting our minds and going deep within our hearts, we are able to allow both truths to coexist in the spaciousness of a bigger mind and heart. Our grief becomes just grief. The stretched heart hurts but can hold it all. We learn to see the uniqueness of every person and situation and the interconnectedness that binds each of us to everything.

If I have learned anything in relating to my fellow inmates here in prison, it is that each one must be treated with meticulous individuality. The more we classify people and warehouse them into groups – “prisoners,” “mentally ill,” “condemned” – the less we can see who they are and be of help.

If we will refuse to label others, to stereotype, categorize and prejudge, we will see the oak tree in the acorn. We will understand the process of helping the oak to become a great oak.

Are we learning to forgive and live from the spirit of the heart instead of the spirit of judgment? There is no defense against the true heart response. When two hearts meet, healings can occur, the level of love and understanding grows and deepens, and our relationships are able to grow and expand in a most profound and intimate way. Let’s remember that intimacy is an invitation to “INTO ME SEE.”

This journey from head to heart is the one true path. Without heart, without increasing love and compassion for oneself and for others, all the rest is an empty form. Our inner core is love. Like the sun, it can be hidden by dark clouds of fear and negativity and limiting beliefs. But it is never put out. And like the sun, our hearts know only how to radiate the golden warmth of love.