Beyond The Wall

Tigers Above, Tigers Below

by Charles “Tom” Brown

Copyright 2006

The frightened man was running away from tigers. He ran and ran, and the tigers were getting closer and closer. When he came to the edge of a cliff, he saw some vines there, so he climbed down and held on to the vines. Looking down, he saw that there were tigers below him as well. He then noticed that a mouse was gnawing away at the vine to which he was clinging. He also saw a beautiful little bunch of strawberries close to him, growing out of a clump of grass. He looked up and he looked down. He looked at the mouse. Then he took a strawberry, but it in his mouth, and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Tigers above. Tigers below. This is actually the predicament that we are always in, in terms of birth and death. Each moment is just what it is. It might be the only moment of our life, it might be the only strawberry we will ever eat. We could get depressed about it, or we could finally appreciate it and delight in the preciousness of every single moment of our life.

When we face the tigers and open our heart to things as they are, we come to rest in the present moment. Only in this moment can we taste the strawberries and discover that which is timeless. Then we hold our own joy and suffering as inseparable. We honor the sacredness in both emptiness and form. We see it all as the dance of our spirit, we hold it all with ease and humor, and we are at peace with it all.

The ocean of life rises and falls within us – birth and death, joy and pain, it is all ours and our heart is full and empty, large enough to embrace it all. When we have faced death and aloneness, we are unafraid to live, and life flowers under our feet.

1-28-2006

Enclosed are some essays for you –

1.     “Tigers Above, Tigers Below” – some thoughts on facing our tigers (fears).

2.     The Relief of Not Knowing  - I don’t know about this one. It was fun to write, though.

3.     The Roller Coaster – the journey of life with its ups and downs and twists and turns often seems like a roller coaster ride. The ride challenges us to get a firm grip on the handlebars and trust the process.

The focus this week in the classroom is on essay writing and I have been grading them. There are many grammatical errors, but their honesty is refreshing and some of them really write from the heart. I wish the public could read some of these essays and feel the cries of their heart.

One of the fellows asked me an interesting question – “What kind of writer do I want to be?”

First of all, I’d like to write more spontaneously and stop trying to drape the perfect sentence around my lumpy thoughts, as if language were a neatly pressed suit I couldn’t bear to wrinkle.

I’d like to write sentences that fly from the heart like birds in a perfect V formation.

See their wings catch the light! But these perfect sentences aren’t always in me. Sometimes they seem to hover a few feet above my head, so I stand on my toes trying to reach them. I jump up and grab fistfuls of air. I’m still learning how to fly.

I wonder what the new year holds for all of us. We’ll be playing with words and thinking of how we can best express our innermost thoughts and feelings to each other. We’ll seek to lighten and brighten each others life in every way that we can, and together, we’ll make it a blessed year to remember.

January 15, 2006

Since a new year is beginning, I thought it would be good to do some “housecleaning.” My worldly possessions are now down to four boxes. Can you believe that? A comedian once said, “I came into this world with nothing and I still have most of it.” I can relate to that.

Before I came to prison, I was the ultimate “pack rat.” I had three storage sheds at my home and they were packed so full of “stuff”, I could seldom find what I was looking for. It became much easier to just go out and buy another of whatever I was looking for. Then it became another item to go into the storage shed that I would be trying to find in the future. Is this insanity or what?

When speaking of all of this “stuff” and the relative world of ups and downs, Chinese philosophers referred to “the 10,000 things.” It’s an apt description. As we face each day, there often seems to be more elements involved than we can manage. We might try to reduce the number of things, but more things spring up to replace the ones we left aside. If we try to ignore all the things, when the ignorance inevitably runs its course, the things are there waiting for us. And, all in all, the things keep changing. It’s no wonder we would like to get away from it all.

The key, it would seem, is to see the world as an interconnected whole that does not require us to be in charge. By coming to know its patterns, we can act as part of the world, no apart from it.

In bridging the gap between inner peace and outer chaos, we can stop treating the inner world and the outer world as separate. The many things of this world are a problem because we choose to make them a problem…our problem.

Ironically, if we stopped trying to maintain the “10,000 things” as our personal possessions, they could become not a burden, but an embarrassment of riches.

And so…here I sit writing this on my bed in a prison dormitory. Under the bed are my four boxes. Yet – and I know this is hard to believe – I feel wealthier than I did when I owned properties, stocks, oil interests, etc.

One of my favorite songwriters, Stuart Hamblin, put this into a perspective when he wrote “Until Then”.

“The things of earth will dim and lose their value

if we remember they’re only borrowed for awhile.

The things of earth that caused this heart to tremble

Remembered then will only bring a smile.”

“But until then, my heart will go on singing…”

That puts things into perspective, doesn’t it?

May the wind be always at your back, may a song always be in your heart, and may you always feel the love that is being sent to you.

1-2-2006

2006! It’s hard to believe, isn’t it? I wasn’t even used to ’05 yet, and here it’s ’06 already.

Thanks so much  for “Presence of Angels”. It’s an honest and inspiring story that reaffirms my belief in miracles, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. http://usersites.interbel.net/~docmackimmie/index.html

Early Christmas morning while everyone was asleep, I put a crumb cake beside each bed. I tried to remain anonymous so everyone would be a suspect and if asked if I did it, I blamed it on Santa. Then later that morning when I returned from taking a shower, some goodies had mysteriously been placed on my bed – cookies and brownies. I have no idea where they came from so I guess there really is a Santa Claus after all.

As we enter the new year, I thought I would ask my little buddy, Ralphie (cartoon dog character), if he has any sage advice for us. I asked, “Ralphie, what profound advice can you give us for 2006?” He replied, (Brace yourself)

…”Never, under any circumstance, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”

(I knew I shouldn’t have asked him that. Sometimes his comments really underwhelm me.)

May we follow his example, though, of entering this new year with a smile and our arms outstretched…hopeful, optimistic, grateful, ready to surrender to the process of life as it unfolds – however it unfolds.

12-1-05

I feel very blessed. Your letter came yesterday and Presence of Angels arrived today. Thank you so much for thinking of me. I really look forward to getting into the book; it will be a fascinating journey, I’m sure.

Knowing Heart Publishing  http://usersites.interbel.net/~docmackimmie/index.html

You mentioned “Designer Perceptions.” It’s an interesting phrase and it would be a good subject for you to write on. Please send me a copy of anything you write; it will nourish my spirit.

You say that you have 179 pages on the Blog site. Thanks for that! I deeply appreciate what you have done. How I wish I could actively participate. I’m there in spirit, though.

Enclosed are some things that can be posted for the holiday seasons – “Moments of Grace” and a letter introducing it.

Like you, I hope that someone might read the site who can help me legally. All we can do is plant seeds and you have certainly done that. We’ll trust that the seeds will germinate and bloom in their own time and their own way…remembering that it’s in God’s hands.

You said it all so brilliantly –

“There’s a pony in there somewhere…otherwise there couldn’t be that much manure!”

Yes, I’m putting on my hip boots and eagerly looking for that pony!!!

The Timelessness of Aging

by Charles “Tom” Brown

Copyright 2005

Perhaps the most shocking of all life’s wake-up calls is an early morning look in the mirror. We ask, “Where did those wrinkles and that silver hair come from?” What we often forget is that nothing is more gorgeous than a person’s unseen beauty, the kind that may take nearly a lifetime to cultivate.

Thought the body may be getting a little loose on the bone, the heart can be like a mountain growing less distant each day. The energy of the body gradually withdraws into the heart. For this reason, spiritual work in the later years can often be the most productive of our life. The spirit is more accessible than perhaps at any other time.

As the years go by, our life’s lessons become more challenging and intense, but they serve to deepen our compassion and understanding. As a result, elders can provide greater insight into and clearer perspective on the human condition.

When we reach our golden years, most of us realize that those things which once seemed so important really aren’t at all. We attain a measure of wisdom. Of course, not everyone learns this valuable lesson, but in the end, it doesn’t matter. We have no choice but to relinquish our hold and release all that we have received – youth, health, wealth, loved ones. Whether we do it willingly or fight against the inevitable with all our might, the things of this world will fade away. We can choose, though, the manner in which we surrender by shifting our focus from the temporal to the eternal.

I am reminded of an incident that occurred in one of the last lectures of philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti. A few years ago when he was old and rather frail, he addressed a large assembly. He spoke with his accustomed softness and care for a few minutes before calling on a fellow who had raised his hand with a question. Krishnamurti answered slowly, then stopped and began again, then stopped again. He said his aging had caused him to not always be so sharp and would the fellow just come down and hold his hand.

What a precious moment that must have been! Sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand. It was a teaching for us all that someday all that might be left of us is our love.