Beyond The Wall

The Cosmic Mirror

by Charles “Tom” Brown

Copyright 2006

My world was falling apart. I had lost everything in the material world and was facing a long prison sentence. I thought that the light at the end of the tunnel was a freight train coming at me, but actually I found out that…it was a mirror.

What a revelation that was! Finally, I began to fully realize that every action has a consequence. We are the heirs of our actions. The cosmic mirror reflects back to us our thoughts, words, and actions – and especially the motives behind those things. We create the drama of our outer world through the thoughts we believe in.

Projecting pleasant thoughts is not like living in la-la land. It is not denying reality. It is not sticking our heads in the sand. It is the development of a positive attitude and the ability to choose for ourselves. What we think is what we get. Therefore, we can choose to think only positive, uplifting thoughts that will gather momentum and continuously take us higher. Our primary obstacles are our own erroneous conceptions and because we think we already understand, it is difficult to see what is true now. We have a strong tendency to see or experience things through our past perspectives, which we have rather rigidly settled into. They are familiar and comfortable memories which influence our present perception. Any past way of seeing something can distort our present perception. To see the truth of anything now, we have to see it new, as we have never seen it before.

Many of us have tried to change the outer world, not realizing that it is only a mirror of our inner thoughts. Trying to change the world by force is like breaking a mirror in the hope of changing one’s face. If we can remember that the universe operates like a cosmic mirror, our perspective of life will be totally transformed.

Living Slowly

by Charles “Tom” Brown
Copyright 2006

In “The Missing Piece” by Shel Silverstein, a fable is told about a circle that is missing a triangular piece. Wherever the circle travels, it is looking for the missing piece, but because it is missing something, it travels very slowly. It admires the flowers and the butterflies. It sees the sun and basks in its light. Then one day it finds the missing piece and manages to put it back. It starts its journey again. This time, though, the journey is fast.

It can go much faster now that it is not missing the piece, but it realizes it doesn’t have time to be with the flowers and the butterflies. It doesn’t have time to stop and enjoy the sun. So it stops and takes the piece out. Then it continues on its journey.

The message is…none of us is perfect. There is a wholeness about those who are able to live with their limitations and in those who can give of themselves and not feel diminished by it. Wholeness is about a person who can go through tragedy and survive. When we’ve overcome major obstacles in our lives, we can achieve a wholeness that others can only dream about. The key to finding this and all its freshness is in slowing down.

Unfortunately, we are so high-paced , running so fast to where we want to be, that many of us are forced to slow down through illness and breakage. If we could see ourselves from far enough away, we would seem like a colony of insects running into things repeatedly: thousands of little determined beings butting into obstacles, shaking our little heads and bodies and running into things again. If we feel stalled or exhausted from the trials of life, let’s simply slow our thoughts to the pace of cracks widening, slow our heart to the pace of the earth soaking up rain, and wait for the freshness of the beginning to greet us.

9-6-06

It’s a quiet early morning in the dormitory. The only sound is that of my neighbor snoring. I’ll pretend that it’s another monk chanting away in the monastery. It’s a good thing I have a vivid imagination; with it, I can get on my magic carpet and fly off to distant lands and other dimensions. And what a trip this often is!

Last week we had a graduation ceremony for those who had passed their GED examinations. It was complete with their loved ones attending, speeches of congratulations, and awarding the diplomas. The fellows worked hard for that. Many of them didn’t think they could do it, but they did. I was very proud of them.

At the end of the ceremony, I was given a surprise aware for my teaching that prompted an inner dialogue that went something like this:

Ego: “Well, Tom, you deserved that praise you got today.”

Self: “Quiet, Ego. I’m perfectly happy without it, and I don’t need it.”

Ego: “Yes, but you’ll have to admit it’s good to get a little encouragement along the way.

Self: “I think you have something there, Ego. I’ll just enjoy it and try to not take pride in my humility for doing so.”

Humility is such a strange thing – when you think you’ve gained it, you’ve lost it.

My little buddy, Ralphie, has been having a problem with his ego. He wants to be a police dog and recently passed the exam. It has gone to his head. I asked him what the questions were and his answers to them. This is what he told me:

“Ralphie, can you obey commands?”

            “Woof!”

“Can you do the obstacle course?”

            “Woof!”

“Can you type 80 words a minute?”

            “Woof!”

“Are you bilingual?”

            “Meow!”

Passing this test has gone to his head so much that he is now marching around with the following sign –

“All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance.”

Inn spite of his corny jokes and “smart remarks”, I’m always learning from Ralphie. I like the way he meets the world – feet spread, arms open, and a smile – neither accepting everything nor rejecting everything, but leaning into what is nourishing and letting the rest move on through. It’s a pretty good way to face the world, isn’t it?

Enclosed are a couple of my recent essays for you –

“Living Slowly” – Years ago, I was a passenger on a Southwest flight and the pilot was having trouble slowing the plane down when landing. After considerable effort, his voice came over the speaker – “Whoa There Big Fella!” When I find myself getting in a hurry and becoming impatient, I can hear my inner voice saying, “Whoa there, big fella!”

It is from that place within us, where we are not in a hurry and are fully present in the now moment, that it becomes possible to see what is beautiful right in front of us.

“The Cosmic Mirror” – What a revelation it was when I finally understood that the light at the end of the tunnel wasn’t a freight train coming at me, but rather, a cosmic mirror. Here are some thoughts on the truth that the outer world is a mirror of our inner thoughts.

I have now written over a hundred essays in the last seven years, and they reflect different stages of my spiritual growth. The earlier ones were more about the hurt and the feelings of loss that I was experiencing, and the later ones are more about the blessings of life. They have become deeper and more philosophical as the years have gone by.

Writing these articles has helped me bring my inner and outer life more closely together. They have helped me know and use my heart. They have made me more whole. The songs in them all sing of pain and wonder and the mystery of love.

I hope they surprise and refresh, that they make us softer for the moment and more clear. Mostly, I hope they will us to live, love, and find our way to joy.

The Lesson

By Charles “Tom” Brown

Copyright 2006

First there was the loss of a relationship; it broke me open the way lightening strikes a tree.

Then there was the loss of material goods; it broke me wider, the way a flood carves the banks of a narrow stream.

Then there was the loss of freedom by coming to prison; this broke me the way wind shatters glass.

Each time I tried to close up what had been opened. It was a reflex, natural enough. But the lesson was, of course, the other way. The lesson was in never closing again.

It has taken me many years to learn that the world comes flooding in if I can only keep myself open. Through the open heart, the world comes rushing in, the way oceans fill the smallest hole along the shore. It is the quietest sort of miracle; by simply being who we are, the world will come to fill us, to cleanse us, to baptize us, again and again.

Remembering to Remember

By Charles “Tom” Brown

Copyright 2006

There is a Hindu story of the child in the womb who sang, “Let me remember who I am.” And his first cry after birth was, “Oh, I have forgotten.”

Of course the external world tells us who we are. The Arizona Department of Corrections and much of society may consider me to be just an inmate with a number and with time to serve in prison. But to myself I am a being who fits no pigeonhole, a bud beginning to unfold, a story waiting to be told. My unique, precious life is a work in process.

No matter how we have been defined by others, well-meaning or not, and no matter how we have defined ourselves, no definition can bring lasting certainty. Are we the object or are we the awareness of the object? The object comes and goes. The parent, the child, the lover, the victorious one, the defeated one – these identifications come and go. The awareness of these identifications is always present. When we are willing to stop the misidentification and discover directly and completely that we are awareness itself and not these impermanent definitions, the search for ourselves in thought ends.

Now we discover an astounding realization: we are free, whole, endless. There is no boundary to us. We are awareness and awareness is consciousness. In letting go of all definitions, we see what remains. We are what is never born and does not die. When we are dissolved like an ice cube in water, then there is nothing else, only love, and then there is no such thing as two.

This discovery does not come in time, but in timelessness, when the mind sinks into the heart, when thoughts begin to change from blame to acceptance and appreciation, and even praise. And we remember who we are.

Love's Pathway

By Charles “Tom” Brown

Copyright 2006

What if we asked ourselves what it is we are dedicated to when we meet a homeless person on the street, a child in tears, a person we have struggled with, or someone who disappoints us? Can we let go of our resistance, judgments, and fears? Can we find the courage to remain present when we want to flee?

The path of love involves a willingness to go beyond the borders of our experience and judgments. What would it mean to place myself in the heart of a begging child? What would it be like to never know if I will eat today, depending entirely on the handouts of strangers? Journeying beyond our familiar borders, our hearts can tremble, but then we have the possibility of truly making a difference.

We have the capacity to give so much of ourselves, but in most cases we are unaware of what we have to give and the impact we can have on the world around us. One thing is for certain: we should never underestimate the power of our own love.

Remarkable openings can occur when the great sigh of letting go, of sinking through level after level of fear and holding, reaches the heart. The heart becomes restored when we surrender our pain and begin to release the grasping that turns the open palm to a closed fist. When the heart peels back those once supple fingers that have gradually become frozen into a fist around its fears and attachments, it is at first surprisingly painful to open that cramped closeness. We soon find, however, that it is the pain that ends the pain. Each finger opening in this process of letting go increases our capacity to love and melts the armor into plowshares.

The path of love asks us to transform our own hearts and minds in the moment. It is cultivated one step and one moment at a time, and each of these steps lessens the mountain of sorrow in the world and adds to the compassion in the world.