Looking for the Rainbow

by Charles “Tom” Brown
Copyright 2007

In coming to prison, I have found that there is always a gift waiting once the ache and fear and grief have settled. As the cries are absorbed into silence, as the sun always rises just when the night seems like it will never end, there is something indestructible at the center of each of us; though it can be quite painful being transformed and rearranged.

My own struggle to open my heart has ben a long one. Silence and solitude are now like a lamp to illumine corners I’ve never seen. When I stop replaying events in my life, the buried seeds crack open in the dark the instant they surrender to a process they can’t see. Stripped of material goods and plans, I have discovered that we cannot eliminate hunger, but we can feed each other. We cannot eliminate loneliness, but we can hold each other. We cannot eliminate pain, but we can live a life of compassion.

In the middle of the deepest, darkest night, when we feel most humbled by life, the first shadow of our wings begins to appear. The depth of the darkness reveals to us the magic of who we are. The love that we are is just waiting to be unleashed.

The most important thing to remember during times of great change is to fix our eyes anew on the things that don’t change. The life that we want will emerge from a stillness that takes root in our soul. We find it when we settle deeply into the hidden loving dimensions of every moment, allowing life to be what it wants to be and allowing ourselves to be who we were created to be.

Sometimes our suffering shapes us as it makes us more humble, more contrite, and more open to guidance we had rejected before. Sometimes the fire we go through becomes our purifying agent. Sometimes difficult experiences have the effect of a storm. Afterwards, we see a beauty in the sky and a clearness in the air that were not there before. What was chaotic at the time, ultimately had a healing effect. And sometimes, when we’re really fortunate, we look up in the sky and see a rainbow. It could not have happened without the rain.

Comments

[Captain Cat]

This really is beautiful. I really pray that things work out for you very soon and that you don't have to spend any more time inside. 10 years is a lifetime in itself.

Thank you for these beautiful thoughts.

[eva]

This is so beautifully said! And so true! Thank You for opening your heart to others and opening our eyes .

[Lovebabz]

I got this link from a post on my blog. I am scheduled to self surrender to federal prison on Oct 1, 2007. Getting this link was God's continued work on my behalf. Thank you and I will make this a part of my blog.