Beyond The Wall

The Last Essay

 
By Charles “Tom” Brown

It was late afternoon in the prison classroom, and we were discussing the topics for the GED essay when a hand went up in the back of the room. It was an elderly inmate who asked me a question that I’m still thinking about today. He asked, “If you knew you didn’t have long to live and could only write one last essay, what would you write?”

As I think about that question, I recall some of the lyrics of a song called “The Last Song”:

If this is my last song,
If this is my final day,
If tomorrow I’ll be gone,
What do I want to say?

Have I given hope to the hopeless?
Have the hungry all been fed?
Has the child stood a little taller
‘cause of something that I said?

Have I left a little kindness?
Have I eased a little pain?
If so, then I’m glad I came.
For that, I’m so glad I came.

One day we will reach a point where we will realize we are on our last leg of this time on Earth. We will see that so much came and went, so many people came and went, and so many things seemed real for a while, and then they were gone. Some we will remember, many we won’t.

Through grace, we’ll know that it is not the end of what is real; it’s only the end of the body, the end of the grand performance. We’ll know that our true Self doesn’t grow old and die. We’ll feel gratitude knowing that we live in eternity, without beginning or end, forever and always now.

In the end when we look back over the meaning of our life, we’ll see that all that really mattered was the way we cared for each other and that its greatest expression was in helping others. We’ll see that when we enter the sacred realm of the heart, the one thing that can never be taken from us, even by death, is the love we give away before we go. We’ll see that the most eloquent answer to death’s “no” is love’s “yes”.

Letter from Tom

Recently I sent a letter to Tom with all the comments that have been left for him on this BLOG. He is unable to access the BLOG himself, so receiving your heartfelt encouragement was very meaningful to him.  He was SO GRATEFUL for messages from readers of the BLOG, as you will see in the following letter. It is very lonely in prison, and if you would like to write to Tom, he would love to hear from you. His mailing address has changed and the new one is shown a couple posts down.

April 13, 2009

It’s 6 AM and I’m writing this in the day room of the dorm. It’s quiet in here at this time and I use it to meditate, do some yoga exercises, and to write. Each morning I spend time in here reconnecting myself to the sacred; to that place where hope grows and our lives are nourished.

Thanks so much for sending the BLOG comments. Those kind, supportive comments touched me deeply. They give me encouragement and inspiration. Please tell the readers how much it means to me.

You wrote “I think the downturn in the economy is going to serve our country well in unexpected ways. We may actually develop character again.” Yes, spaces are opening for new approaches. In a time of chaos like this, those who are clear about what’s important, who listen and create inclusive conversations, and who work across race, class, gender, and age lines, may have far more influence than they imagine. I believe we are taking steps in the right direction for the karma of our country.

As we personally go through the changes and the losses that life brings to us, I think it’s best to hope for an experience of life in all its fullness – a life that can embrace both joy and sorrow and still be at peace, because joy and sorrow are sure to come in this life.

Our triumph over sorrow is not that we can avoid it, but that we can grow from it. And therein lies our hope: that in spirit we might become bigger than the problems we face. Ultimately, the way to feel hope is to give hope to someone else. And then we see that it is all around us.

I think that all of us have at some time in our lives asked this question – “Why didn’t God make a world free of disease, free of accidents, free of problems?” We might answer that with “to learn lessons” or “to bring us closer to God,” but we can conclude that we’re here to continue God’s work.

If our Creator made a perfect world, it would be a magic trick, not creation. Creation is work. We are the ones who will have to create the world we are hoping for. We will still breathe when we have experiences losses, but we’ll also use pain to help ourselves out and to respond to the needs of others. That is how the Creator intended it to be. God wants us to know that life is an experience of beginnings, not endings.

You mentioned that your partner feels he has missed the boat economically – not being financially in a great space. However, he is doing work to help people who need someone to care and assist. That is where real wealth lies and I greatly admire him for the work he is doing.

I had to be stripped of absolutely everything in order to realize where real wealth lies. I found that what was left after I’d lost it all was what was real and lasting. I found that the inner riches are what really matter. And so…from one wealthy being to another, I salute you!

I’m glad your writing a children’s book. If we can influence them in their early formative years, it will make a difference in the rest of their lives. In the students that I’m teaching, I see many who have not had positive reinforcement in their early years and as a result, they have a very low opinion of themselves and don’t think they can learn. To deal with this, I want them to know that I care and I believe in them. It takes a lot of patience and persistence, but the reason I like teaching so much is that I can see them gaining a belief in themselves and a new perspective on life. And I can see these changes happening right before my eyes.

When they finally do make it and are handed their GED diploma, the look on their faces is unforgettable. Their look of pride mixed with the tears is absolutely priceless. It’s in moments like these we find real wealth.