Beyond The Wall

April 1, 2008

Sometimes it just feels good to get up on a soapbox and do a little venting. This is one of those times. It is being triggered by an article that appeared in The Boston Globe. Here is an excerpt from it…

“America, the Land of the Unfree”

“What is the world’s leading prison state? You might think it is repressive China or Puten’s Russia. But as a recent Pen Center study revealed, it’s the U.S. where 2.3 million people – one out of every 100 adult Americans, no languish behind bars. Per capita our rate of imprisonment easily exceeds that of Russia, is six times that of China and seven times that of Germany and France.

“…yet in an amazing act of hypocrisy, the State Department last week issued an annual human rights report that condemned Russia, Burma, and China for arbitrarily imprisoning too many of their citizens. Nations that live in glass prisons shouldn’t throw stones!”

I don’t think it should be any surprise that the country that has the most prisons also has the world’s biggest pollution problem. We have a disposable mind-set: disposable products, disposable species, disposable people. We don’t see our brothers and sisters, much less all the animal species, as sacred. The failure to honor the sacred is at the root of the prison problem and the ecological problem.

It’s easy to forget that what any of us does affects all of us, every time, all the time. We forget that we (people, bugs, dolphins, eagles, poodles, etal) are all interdependent. Those “other” beings aren’t really others after all; they are us and we are them.

When we allow ourselves to see the Divine everywhere, and believe that there is nowhere God is not – including inside us – we can release any sense of unworthiness and embrace our magnificence. Let’s imagine a world of beings who are doing that, who are conscious of their wholeness and who identify with and make choices from their Divine nature. Imagine the good, the joy, the love, and the caring that will be poured out across the planet when all humans openly embrace and fully express their sacred selves. Just imagine it!

(I’ll now step down from my soap box and face the reality of this moment). It’s fun to dream and imagine, though, and I do believe that someday, in a more enlightened age, these imaginations will become a reality. Also, at that time, prisons will be known as houses of rehabilitation and compassion rather than basically houses of punishment.

3-12-08

The denial by the Clemency Board was a shock to all of us. I fully believed that I would be approved for Phase II where I could meet with the Board in person, and with an attorney there and a lot of support. I just couldn’t imagine them turning me down…but they did. It was obvious that their minds were already made up and nothing we could have said or done would have made a difference. It’s always safer politically to say “no” at a hearing like this.

I don’t understand why this has happened and there really aren’t any answers. Something happened this morning, though, that reminded me to have faith. It was dark outside, no daylight yet, but the birds were singing and the doves were cooing. They knew instinctively that the light was coming. Deep with me, I know that, too…the light is coming. There’s nothing in this world, not a thin in the universe that is not in perfect order. Everything proceeds according to this perfect design.

May we all find comfort in this truth, and may God bless our journey of awakening.

1—25-08

Wow! The attorney has finally filed the papers with the Clemency Board and expects a hearing in a month or two.

He is asking for letters of support, so if you will send one, I would appreciate it so very much. As you well know, I’ve been turned down with my previous attempts at this, but with an attorney this time, I think I stand a pretty good chance.

The thought of getting out of here is both overwhelming and exciting…and a little scary. I know, though, that it will all work out, and there will be new opportunities to make a positive difference in the lives of others.

Enclosed is my latest essay – “Peeling the Onion”. Having been stripped of so much, I feel sensitivity and a connectedness that I’ve never felt before. Life has a way of peeling us like an onion, and as each layer is peeled away, life gets more and more precious.

11-1-07

The holidays will soon be here, and I’m thinking that maybe – just maybe – this will be my last holiday season in here. That thought is exciting, overwhelming, and scary – all of that. These years in here have been like being isolated on another planet. It leaves me somewhat “out of touch” with the outside world, but more deeply “in touch” with the inner world.

The date of my release has seemed so far in the future I haven’t given much thought to it. However, as the possibility becomes more real, I’ll do a little planning, a little dreaming. The dreaming includes being able to call dear friends. What a dream that is!

I continue looking for the perfect sentence, the one that will come alive on the page and penetrate the thickest armor around the heart. My quest reminds me of something Oscar Wilde once wrote – “I was working on a proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a camera. In the afternoon, I put it back again.” (I can relate to that)

These perfect sentences aren’t always in me, though. They often hover a few feet above my head, so I stand on my toes trying to reach them. Often I grab fistfuls of air.

I find though, that if I sit here waiting for the perfect sentence to show up, I have a long wait ahead of me. Maybe it doesn’t want me to wait. Maybe the perfect sentence is tired of one-night stands with writers who can’t be trusted to stick around when the perfect sentence turns out to be not so perfect after all. Yeah! Let’s hear it for the “off the wall,” “out of the box” sentence that is free of the need to be perfect.

Recently I was reading some of the newspaper headlines that came out in the 50’s and 60’s and the ones about the Middle East were the same as they are today. And that reminds me of a story…

In Israel to cover the fighting, a young reporter decided to look for a human-interest story. In Jerusalem, she heard about an old man who’s been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, for everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to the Wailing Wall and there he was.

“Sir”, she asked, “how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying?”

“For 50 years.”

“What do you pray for?”

“I pray for peace between the Jews and the Arabs. I pray for our children to grow up in safety and friendship.”

“How do you feel after 50 years?”

“Like I’m talking to a wall.”

The unending search for peace in the Middle East or in other parts of the world reminds us that if we really want to bring peace to the world, we need to love ourselves: to know that we are loved, to discover that our nature is love and to feel the joy and beauty of that. Then the separate, alienated sense of self starts to soften, and we can no longer have any motivation or impulse to go to war. Thus, real lasting peace can only come about through prayer and meditation, simple acts of kindness, and through each of us being a loving presence.

It all comes down to bring a loving presence, doesn’t it? The negative happenings have only one purpose: to foster compassion in the human heart. Anything can fuel the fires of compassion if our hearts are open wide enough. All of us,in our own way, just by being more tender and loving, can open our hearts and make a difference in someone’s life.

If we don’t know how to deal with a difficult person or situation, let’s just love. Everything else is just a finger in the dike, holding back an ocean that, ironically, we could happily drown in. Sometimes, I think trying to get it through my own thick seawall of a skull, that compassion means onl this:

When in Doubt, Just Love!

A Letter of Hope From Tom!

11-17-07

Enclosed is a message for the BLOG readers. One of the many things I’m looking forward to when I’m released from here is to be able to interact with the readers and most especially, with you who have put this BLOG together. I feel somewhat disconnected from the energy of “Beyond the Wall”, but I try to make up for it by expressing an extra amount of joy and compassion.

All I can offer are words and if we love words, as you and I do, we get to approach the Divine through words. Whatever we love is our path. You and I happen to love words, so that is where we see the beautiful, and this is, of course, the beauty parlor that we’re sitting in! We love lively language wherever it occurs, and we like to feel it flowing through us. As writers, we can adore the inspired moments.

As I sit here on my bed writing these words, I’m reminded that I never really know what words are going to come out of this pen or what the next moment will bring. So living fully in this moment is the only constantly reappearing option for happiness. Just being alive is a mysterious and precarious thing. That life is happening at all – that words are coming out of this pen – is truly a miracle.

Sending you a bountiful overflowing amount of joyful thoughts and loving energy!
Tom

Dear Friends,
Thanks to your prayers and support, an attorney is now working on my case and is optimistic of the outcome. There is a possibility that this willb e my last holiday season in prison, and I find the thought of finally getting out of here exciting, overwhelming, scary – all of that. It leaves me with mixed thoughts and feelings. A part of me wonders “where will I live?” “What will I do?” “How will I survive?” But then another part of me assures me that it will all be perfect, and all I need to do is trust at a deeper level.

These years in here have certainly been transformative ones. In many ways, it leaves me “out of touch” with the fast pace of the outside world. However, I’m more “in touch” with my inside world and that will see me through whatever challenges lie ahead.

One of the things that will mean the most to me in being free of prison will be interacting with you. What a joy that will be!

As many of you know, I have an imaginary dog named Ralphie who makes “smart remarks” and tells bad puns. I’ve often wondered what I ever did in the past that would result in my having Ralphie in my life. I must have done something really weird.

I asked Ralphie what kind of holiday greeting he would like to give you, and he said he would like to cover all bases. He gives us this greeting –

“Merry Christmas”
“Happy Hanukah”
“Joyous Kwanzaa”
“Peace filled Ramadan”
“Festive New Year”
“Glorious Festivus”
“Nice Weekend”
“Happy Everything”

Yes, he certainly does try to cover all bases.

My message to you is a gift from the heart. In spite of what advertisers want us to believe, our most precious gifts to each other don’t come in fancy wrappings. Unlike material gifts that can wear out, go out of style, or are simply set aside and forgotten, gifts from the heart, from the Spirit, have transforming power. They soften calloused hearts, restore broken dreams, renew abandoned hopes, and infuse life with a new vitality.

May you rejoice in the spirit of this season, in its peace, its hope, its love. And more than ever before, may you feel the love that you are.

With boundless blessings,
Tom

10-14-2007

A dear friend brought a book of puns to me, and I realize now that I should have hidden it. Ralphie (Tom’s cartoon dog) got hold of it and is threatening to lay more of those puns on us. I’m telling you this so you’ll be ready to duck and protect yourself.

He’s insisting on asking us a question and I’ll humor him, so be prepared…

“Ralphie, what is your question?”

“It’s this. There are a lot of people in China, but do you know why there are so few telephones for all those people?”

“No, Ralphie, why is that?”

“Because there are so many people with the names WING and WONG, and the Chinese are afraid they’ll wing the wong number.”

Ouch! That’s awful. I often wonder what I ever did in the past to merit a karmic experience of having an imaginary dog who tells bad puns. I must have done something really WEIRD.

It’s not easy to be serious after being around Ralphie, but I’m now going to try…

I wrote an essay about an incident that happened in the visitation room here. It helped me to explore love a little deeper. People understand what it means to need another, to want something from another, but they often don’t understand what it means to really love.

To be totally loving means to be willing to give every being total freedom to be, do, and have what they wish. Love lets go. Need holds on. This is the way we can tell the difference between love and need. This means among other things, letting go of expectation, requirements and rules that we would impose on loved ones.

To be totally loving, I believe, means to be fully present, fully aware. To be fully open, honest, transparent. It means to be fully willing to express the love that is in our heart. To be loving means to be naked without a hidden agenda or hidden motive, without hidden anything. This is the nature of who we are.

This brings me to what I call the “Magic Question”. Whenever we’re wondering what to do next, let’s ask, “WHAT WOULD LOVE DO NOW?”
We always know the answer. It’s like magic. It’s cleansing like a soap. It washes away all doubt, all fear. It bathes the mind with the wisdom of the soul. When we go into the heart of love and come from that place in all our choices and decisions, we will find peace.

When we connect in the space of love, there is no longer two…only one. Though I appear to be writing this in a prison dormitory and you appear to be reading it in another time and place, we can connect in that space beyond time and distance. And what a magnificent space it is! I’ll meet you there.

Letter from Tom

September 16, 2007

As Ralphie and I were watching the news on CNN this morning (Tom’s cartoon dog that he draws), I thought of how the situation in the Middle East seems to be never-ending. I’m glad Ralphie doesn’t start his day reading about Shiite dogs killing Sunni dogs, or Palestinian suicide hounds being mowed down by heavily armed Israeli soldier dogs. I’m glad he doesn’t listen to some dog on CNN telling him that everything that could have gone wrong yesterday did go wrong – while completely ignoring all examples of dog cooperation; dog compassion, dogs making love, not war.

To love the unlovable and forgive the unforgivable has to be among the greatest challenges of this lifetime, and yet, if we are to move beyond the “eye for an eye” mentality that pervades our society, we must do this. If we are to have peace, both within and without, we must do this.

It’s much easier to lose sight of our oneness and to feel separated from each other if we depersonalize and dehumanize each other. Once a person is labeled as “not like us”, the rules of civilized behavior can be bent and stretched.

In our attempts to label each other, we create an “other” and language itself becomes a weapon. I am not interested in weapons, whether words or guns. I want to be part of the rescue team for this warring planet. The rescuers will be those people who help other people to think clearly and to be honest and open-minded. They will be an antidote to those people who disconnect us. They will move beyond the labels and make others more understandable and sympathetic.

Labels help us to hang on to what we feel are our justified feelings of unforgiveness and separation. It’s easy to erase “insurgents”, “enemy combatants”, “terrorists”, even “protesters”. Once we have a label that doesn’t fit, we can ignore the humanity of the labeled. Once the concept of otherness takes root, the unimaginable becomes possible. Then we can ignore and judge those who have committed heinous crimes, those who appear to be so different from us.

In Iraq, our soldiers call the insurgents “rats”. Psychologically, humans can kill rats much more easily than they can kill hungry, tired, frightened young people much like themselves.

The task that you and I have with our writings is to tell stories and eternal truths that connect readers to all the people of the earth, to show these people as the complicated human beings they really are, with histories, families, emotions, and legitimate needs. Then we can replace one-dimensional stereotypes with multi-dimensional individuals with whom our readers can identify.

I’m becoming more aware that all differences, whether physical, mental, or emotional, are superficial. They are like the waves on the surface of the ocean. Deep within we share the same inner depths. Beneath the ever-changing waves, we are the same, we remain the same unchanging One. As we become more aware, so our concepts of both ourselves and the journey change, and we come to realize the deeper truth: that the traveler, the journey, and the goal are all one.

7-29-07

Thanks so much for your help with the defense fund. The letter expressing my need was a hard one for me to write, but there are times when we simply need each other.

This adventure of setting up a defense fund, hiring an attorney, and applying for a clemency hearing, is helping me to more fully live what I’ve written about over the years. I’m finding out that what was hard to do (writing that letter) can truly be a blessing. It has strengthened my faith and helped me to trust the divine process behind it all.

I told my little buddy, Ralphie (Tom’s cartoon dog), how all of this is beginning to unfold, and I expected some smart remark from him. He usually has one. This time, though, he was speechless. In fact, he became a little teary.

The value of being real has been deeply impressed upon me. This means saying we’re hurting when we’re hurting and we’re in need when we’re in need. It means accepting and embracing it all. An essay on this subject explores it a little further. “On Being Real” is enclosed.

Our journey of awakening is located right in the middle of all of this, right in the middle of life. Our true calling is to find out what it is to be a human being. The quest is about transformation rather than perfection. No moment is unwanted, and thus, awakening is possible right where we are. “We are invited to be intimate with the world and experience the bones and breath of each moment.”

We keep looking for the wings of a sparrow when the wings of an eagle have already been given us. We’re all like birds who have forgotten we have these wings and we were meant to spread them and fly. All we have to do is flap.

Shall we do a little flapping? Wheeee! What a magnificent view from up here.
From the “lofty regions”, I’m sending boundless love!

Request from Tom to His Supporters

The following is the most recent letter I have received from Tom. His case will be up for review by the Clemency Board, and he has been able to find an attorney who will represent him for a reduced fee. Please read his letter, and if you feel moved to contribute to his defense fund, you will find all contact information contained herein.

When we look at the light slap on the wrists major corporate criminals receive, the sentence that was given to Tom is horribly excessive. If we all put our strong intentions together for his release, prayers can work wonders. So, of course, can financial contributions.

Editor

July 4, 2007

Since I last wrote to you some things have happened that I’d like to share with you. It’s about the clemency hearing. Each morning I have declared my intention and given thanks in advance for a positive outcome.

From this, something amazing has happened, but before I tell you about it, I’ll review a little background. As you know, I’m 75 years old and have been in here for nine years. If I don’t try to have a hearing or if I am denied, I’ll have four more years to serve. I am guilty as charged of violating a trust with some funds, but that was long ago, and it certainly is not who I am today.

My record in here is excellent – the best that can be attained – and my sentence of 17 ¼ years (of which 13 must be served) for a first time, non-violent offense is certainly excessive.

In previous hearings, I prepared a very thorough information packet and sent a copy to each board member. It answered their questions and included support letters (yours was a part of it), diplomas, awards, etc. This didn’t help, though, so I realized I need to do something different this time.

Well, the “something different” has materialized. I have learned that my chance of getting a favorable response will be greatly increased if I have legal representation at the hearing. I haven’t had this before and didn’t know how to find a defense attorney who would represent me pro bono or at least at a reduced rate. A friend has now recommended one who has agreed to represent me for a reduced fee of $4,000. My case is rather involved so it will include considerable research and the necessary appearances before the board. It’s a three-part process. The first hearing is by phone, the second one is in person, and then it has to be signed by the governor.

I’ve always been independent, so it isn’t easy for me to ask for help, but that is where I am right now. I do need help in raising this legal fee. It will be done with a defense fund - a trust account - that will be set up as follows:

Checks should be payable to Dave Appelton, and in the memo write “Tom Brown Defense Fund”.

Checks should be sent to a mutual friend who will monitor it for him:
Averelle Levings
3421 N. 14th Pl.
Phoenix, AZ 85014

For any questions, the attorney can be reached at:
Dave Appleton, Attorney at Law
8711 E. Pinnacle Peak Rd., Suite 109
Scottsdale, AZ 85255

Phone: 480-473-2009
E-Mail: dappletonlaw@cox.net
Website: www.dappleton.com

If you and Steve can help out with this, I’ll be eternally grateful, and if not, I’ll understand. Do you think any of the bloggers would want to help?

I believe that the way that this is unfolding is truly an answer to prayers, and it will give me a good chance of getting a positive response.

I’ve always believed that if you’re going to dream, DREAM BIG! And that is what I’m doing! It takes me to that day when I’ll walk out of here and into a world of new possibilities, a world where I’ll be able to teach and write and help others in many new ways. It takes me to where I’ll be able to do the simple things I used to take for granted; things like sleeping on a comfortable bed, eating nutritional food, planting a garden, getting a dog, playing my guitar, wearing clothes that are not colored orange, etc. Ah…it is fun to dream, isn’t it?

And among the dreams that would mean the most to me would be the ability to call the   people who I have come to hold dear, and to have long chats, and meet and greet one another beyond the barriers of prison walls.

As long as dreams are present, we’ll always feel a candle burning within us that’s ready to light the world. May we keep that candle burning ever so brightly!

6-3-07

I’m enclosing “Celebrating Our Humanness” for you if you choose to post it. It explores some thoughts on accepting and loving ourselves – warts and all.

As you well know, love is a favorite subject of mine, and on this topic, an incident happened in the classroom that I’d like to share with you…

I was teaching a group of students at my table on the subject of language and among them was a young fellow named Amir from Bosnia. Amir has been through some horrific experiences in the war in Bosnia and is now struggling to learn English. Suddenly, he put his book down, looked at all of us, and said, “I love you guys.” It was so unexpected, there was silence for a moment. Then we all answered together, “We love you, too, Amir.”

It’s moments like this that remind me how great these fellows are and how fortunate I am to be able to help them. I’ve learned that if our heart and mind are fully present in whatever we are doing, our lives have meaning. There’s a sense of fulfillment. If we have compassion and love for everyone – all beings – beyond the notion of friend and enemy, the basis for true hapiness is ours.

Never in a thousand years of muy wildest imagination did I think I would be in prison. Here I am, though, and all I can do is choose to make the best of each day. The truth is that every stage of our lives is perfect, if we allow ourselves to really live in it. If we concentrate on the present - (and this includes my writing this from a prison dormitory and you reading it with a broken arm) – we can contribute and show up for this moment as fully as we can, then any moment can have its blessings.