Friends of Tom....
HE IS FREE AT LAST!!
Here is his e-mail to me, and I am now handing over the BLOG to him so that he can communicate to you personally. It's been a pleasure to do this BLOG for Tom to keep his readers aware of his articles and letters from prison. Now...he is indeed BEYOND THE WALL!!
Here's the e-mail:
Dear Friends of Tom Brown....
HURRAY....his release from prison is at hand! The following e-mail was sent to share the good news, and for those of you who have followed the BLOG, more will be coming when he is freed. It is my hope that he will write a book from all the letters he's sent and the wonderful essays he's written while behind bars. Now, he will have the opportunity to be free at last.
Here is the e-mail we received regarding his release:
"In prison lingo, Tom has 3 nights and a wakeup. I just got confirmation that he will be released on Thursday, July 21. Hooray. Ironically, we are on our way to Tucson for me to give a speech Tuesday night, spend the night and come home Wedn. So we get to make 2 trips to Tucson this week. Both of them will be done with great joy. We have his clothes ready and his bed at the Madison Street VA will be waiting. Please share the good news with the rest of the team. CELEBRATE the good news. We are so excited for him."
By Charles “Tom” Brown
It was late afternoon in the prison classroom, and we were discussing the topics for the GED essay when a hand went up in the back of the room. It was an elderly inmate who asked me a question that I’m still thinking about today. He asked, “If you knew you didn’t have long to live and could only write one last essay, what would you write?”
As I think about that question, I recall some of the lyrics of a song called “The Last Song”:
If this is my last song,
If this is my final day,
If tomorrow I’ll be gone,
What do I want to say?
Have I given hope to the hopeless?
Have the hungry all been fed?
Has the child stood a little taller
‘cause of something that I said?
Have I left a little kindness?
Have I eased a little pain?
If so, then I’m glad I came.
For that, I’m so glad I came.
One day we will reach a point where we will realize we are on our last leg of this time on Earth. We will see that so much came and went, so many people came and went, and so many things seemed real for a while, and then they were gone. Some we will remember, many we won’t.
Through grace, we’ll know that it is not the end of what is real; it’s only the end of the body, the end of the grand performance. We’ll know that our true Self doesn’t grow old and die. We’ll feel gratitude knowing that we live in eternity, without beginning or end, forever and always now.
In the end when we look back over the meaning of our life, we’ll see that all that really mattered was the way we cared for each other and that its greatest expression was in helping others. We’ll see that when we enter the sacred realm of the heart, the one thing that can never be taken from us, even by death, is the love we give away before we go. We’ll see that the most eloquent answer to death’s “no” is love’s “yes”.
Recently I sent a letter to Tom with all the comments that have been left for him on this BLOG. He is unable to access the BLOG himself, so receiving your heartfelt encouragement was very meaningful to him. He was SO GRATEFUL for messages from readers of the BLOG, as you will see in the following letter. It is very lonely in prison, and if you would like to write to Tom, he would love to hear from you. His mailing address has changed and the new one is shown a couple posts down.
April 13, 2009
It’s 6 AM and I’m writing this in the day room of the dorm. It’s quiet in here at this time and I use it to meditate, do some yoga exercises, and to write. Each morning I spend time in here reconnecting myself to the sacred; to that place where hope grows and our lives are nourished.
Thanks so much for sending the BLOG comments. Those kind, supportive comments touched me deeply. They give me encouragement and inspiration. Please tell the readers how much it means to me.
You wrote “I think the downturn in the economy is going to serve our country well in unexpected ways. We may actually develop character again.” Yes, spaces are opening for new approaches. In a time of chaos like this, those who are clear about what’s important, who listen and create inclusive conversations, and who work across race, class, gender, and age lines, may have far more influence than they imagine. I believe we are taking steps in the right direction for the karma of our country.
As we personally go through the changes and the losses that life brings to us, I think it’s best to hope for an experience of life in all its fullness – a life that can embrace both joy and sorrow and still be at peace, because joy and sorrow are sure to come in this life.
Our triumph over sorrow is not that we can avoid it, but that we can grow from it. And therein lies our hope: that in spirit we might become bigger than the problems we face. Ultimately, the way to feel hope is to give hope to someone else. And then we see that it is all around us.
I think that all of us have at some time in our lives asked this question – “Why didn’t God make a world free of disease, free of accidents, free of problems?” We might answer that with “to learn lessons” or “to bring us closer to God,” but we can conclude that we’re here to continue God’s work.
If our Creator made a perfect world, it would be a magic trick, not creation. Creation is work. We are the ones who will have to create the world we are hoping for. We will still breathe when we have experiences losses, but we’ll also use pain to help ourselves out and to respond to the needs of others. That is how the Creator intended it to be. God wants us to know that life is an experience of beginnings, not endings.
You mentioned that your partner feels he has missed the boat economically – not being financially in a great space. However, he is doing work to help people who need someone to care and assist. That is where real wealth lies and I greatly admire him for the work he is doing.
I had to be stripped of absolutely everything in order to realize where real wealth lies. I found that what was left after I’d lost it all was what was real and lasting. I found that the inner riches are what really matter. And so…from one wealthy being to another, I salute you!
I’m glad your writing a children’s book. If we can influence them in their early formative years, it will make a difference in the rest of their lives. In the students that I’m teaching, I see many who have not had positive reinforcement in their early years and as a result, they have a very low opinion of themselves and don’t think they can learn. To deal with this, I want them to know that I care and I believe in them. It takes a lot of patience and persistence, but the reason I like teaching so much is that I can see them gaining a belief in themselves and a new perspective on life. And I can see these changes happening right before my eyes.
When they finally do make it and are handed their GED diploma, the look on their faces is unforgettable. Their look of pride mixed with the tears is absolutely priceless. It’s in moments like these we find real wealth.
This miraculous device operates something like a vegetable juicer. When using a juicer, you place a carrot in a funnel at the top of the machine, and the juicer deftly grinds the carrot up. Then it spits the pulp out of a little door and sends a golden stream of tasty juice out another chute.
The blessing extractor utilizes the same principle: you take any experience (painful ones actually work the best), and insert the whole thing into the blessing extractor. Press the right button (a willingness to grow from the experience), the extractor whirs a few seconds, and then shoots the tasteless unusable pulp (made up of “heavy drama”, feelings of loss, and sorrow) out into a refuse basket. Simultaneously, out another door pours the blessings the experience has given you. Typcial blessings include deeper strength, greater aliveness, fresh insights, a more open heart, new direction, the dissolution of long standing self-destructive patterns, richer appreciation for your gifts, and on and on.
The most amazing feature of the blessing extractor is that long after the pulp is thrown away, the blessings keep flowing. It seems that each blessing the machine produces leads to many others.
May you all be richly blessed……………………….Tom
2-26-09
I hope all is well in your world; my world is vastly different since my last letter to you. As you can see from the envelope, I’ve been moved. These movements are disruptive and inefficient, yet they keep continuously moving us from yard to yard.
Anyway, I’m back on the Lewis complex at Buckeye. No longer do I hear the birds singing or see the beauty of the trees, the bushes, the flowers. No longer do I have the privacy and peace and quiet of a private room. For a little while at least, it seemed like I was on a college campus; it didn’t seem like a prison. Now, however, it feels like I’m back in prison as I again find myself in a noisy, overcrowded dormitory on a barren yard.
A teaching position is not available now, so I’m volunteering to teach without pay until something opens up. This makes things pretty tight, but some of my former students are here, and I have a number of new ones, so I’m busy doing what I love to do – teaching and making a difference in the lives of others. On the “blessing side” of things (and that is where I like to focus), I have new friends to meet and new opportunities to help others.
One way to look at life’s disappointments is to view these events as a spiritual challenge. The best can be brought out of us during hard times. Every disappointment and every heartbreak is an opportunity to grow more loving and compassionate.
I’m reminded of a definition of compassion that I’ve always liked –
“Compassion is the recognition that we are each doing the best that we can within the limits of our current beliefs and capacities.”
It’s hard for me to judge others when I remember that.
I believ it’s time for me to pull out my handy dandy “Blessing Extractor” and see what I can extract from this move. As I use this marvelous device and continually look for the pony, I think of the way you ended one of your letters…
“merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.”
Tom’s new address:
Charles “Tom” Brown #140237
ASPC – Lewis – Bachman – 3 FIOL
P.O. Box 3500
Buckeye, AZ 85326
January 18, 2009
What a momentous time this is, both for our country and for each of us individually. Some dramatic changes are underway that seem scary and exciting.
It’s not only financial markets that have collapsed; it’s also the philosophy that gave money the precedence over all else. With the politics of division crumbling, spaces are opening for new approaches. Divisive me – first politics and trash-the-planet-to-make-money economics are on the way out.
So what ideas and guiding principles will take their place?
In times of chaos, those who are clear about what’s important, who listen and create inclusive conversations, and who work across race, class, gender, and age lines, may have far more influence than they imagine.
This is a time when new ideas and structures can take root and quickly flourish in the spaces left vacant by dying hidebound institutions. When we make choices that rely less on fossil fuels, global finance, and long supply chains and more on conservation, savings, and local production, we become less vulnerable to crises and more resilient in recovery from them. What once looked to the larger society like “hippie” behavior from the far-out fringe, now simply looks smart.
May we base this new world, this new era that we’re entering into, not on fear and exclusion, but on our sense of connection, joy, and gratitude. And in order for this new era to happen, everything had to break right. And for that we will someday owe sincere thanks to John McCain and Sarah Palin and George W. Bush. They not only screwed it up, they screwed it up just right.
When a new year begins, I tend to become more philosophical. I think of what I’ve learned and what lies ahead. My life’s lessons are much more subtle than they used to be. I used to have to be hit over the head with a “two-by-four” (losses, prison, etc), but now it’s like a gentle nudge.
If we don’t yet trust that every situation is a lesson, then we don’t bother to ask ourselves what the lesson is. And unless we do, our chances of learning from it are nil. Then the lesson will reappear – with ever higher stakes – until we learn it. The more times a lesson has to come around, the more pain it will generate. If we know in our heart that something is wrong, then ignoring it won’t make it any less so. It will simply make fixing it even harder, when it is brought about by a louder noise than the original sound of the whisper in our ear. My hope is that we can all hear that whisper and act upon that gentle nudge.
And thinking of another kind of nudge, Ralphie (Tom’s pretend dog) is nudging me with his nose and saying that he wants to speak to us. I should know better than this, but it’s a new year, so I’ll ask him what he wants.
“What is it, Ralphie?”
“Did you hear about the dog that was in an accident and his whole left side was cut off?”
“That’s awful, Ralphie!”
“Not really. He’s all right now.”
I think I must have received a “bad pun gene” from Ralphie because now I’m beginning to think like he does. HELP!
There’s much we can learn from dogs, though. They seem to know that life is good. Because they don’t have egos, they appear more loving. When humans love, most of us are timid about opening our hearts all the way. The ego wonders: “Will I be hurt? Will I be loved back? Will my needs be met or will I be abandoned?” Dogs don’t have these questions. They just love.
It seems as if the more we let go, the more we experience love. Love is beyond everything else – anxiety, desire, hope. Love is open hearted, demands nothing, and needs nothing. It is more likely to visit when our desires are quiet, when we don’t need or want much, and when we accept that everything we love is not permanent but is with us at this very moment.
11-28-08
I’ve been thinking of the “comings and goings” of life and decided to discuss this with Time. “Time, you illusionist, you show us there’s nothing up your sleeve, then, as if from thin air, you produce summer, fall, winter, spring. Delighted, we applaud. Then, one by one, the places we’ve lived, the people we’ve loved, appear from behind one curtain and disappear behind another. Amazing! Then in the blink of an eye, we, too, disappear. How about that!
“Time, what am I going to do with you? I wanted to milk today for all it was worth, as if you were a cow and all I needed was a bucket. But no sooner did I get started than you swished your tail and this bright new day is gone. ‘How can this be?’ I gasped. You raised your head and looked at me with eyes so big you’d think there would be room in them for some compassion. ‘Don’t forget your bucket,’ you said.”
In all of this “coming and going”, I need to remember that the world will go on being the world without me and without my endless attempts to turn what I know into language that will stand the test of time. And what kind of test is that, exactly? Time looks at me over the top of his reading glasses. “I guess you’ll just have to wait and see,” Time says.
I believe the true blessing of aging is that it can bring an awareness that there is a purpose to growing older, a coming home to the self, and a discovery of significance in a life that is so often stuffed full of busyness.
There’s nothing more gorgeous than a person’s unseen beauty, the kind that may take nearly a lifetime to cultivate. The young at heart are at home in every generation.
You said that you would like to send a book, and I would like to make a suggestion that instead of a book, the gift that would be most practical and helpful would be a money order payable to me with 140237 after my name. I know this seems impersonal, but it’s what would help the most. We have received a 25% cut in our meager pay and the cost of clothes and necessities that have to buy have been dramatically increased. Thank you for asking. That’s so thoughtful of you.
In these uncertain times, some people seem to have the opinion that the prison environment is one that is safer and more stable than that of the “outside world”. I’d like to respond to that opinion –
Safer? Of course there is more security, but there is also a higher concentration of those who commit violent crimes. Overall, I would not say it’s safer.
More stable? When freedoms are taken away, some of the results of poor decisions are removed. Ruts are stable and comfortable, but they rob us of creativity and innovation, and they rob us of our dreams.
I’ll take freedom any day hands down!!
I’ve made up a list of the gains and losses of the prison experience. It’s far from being complete, but it’s a few points that I thought of.
As much as possible, I like to focus on what is beyond uncertainty. No matter what decisions will be made by a new administration, there are some things that are changeless. Daffodils will bloom in the spring. Men and women will fall in love and, sadly, out of love. A broken heart will nonetheless keep beating one hundred thousand times a day.
No matter what governmental decisions are made, writers will write. Painters will paint. Three in the morning will still be three in the morning. The door in our psyche we don’t want to walk through will still be just down the hall. No matter what decisions are made, life will hand us the invisible threat that connects us all, love will hand us the needle.
Gains and Losses From The Prison Experience
Gains:
1. The gift of extra time that provides the opportunity to transform the inmate’s thoughts, and thus, his life, if he so chooses.
2. Basic survival needs are met. Though of poor quality, food, shelter, medical, and dental needs are met.
3. The same daily routine provides a bit of stability.
4. Life is simpler. There is less drama
5. There are opportunities to advance in education and work skills.
Losses:
1.The loss of sharing a daily life with a mate.
2.The loss of sharing special occasions with family and friends (holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, weddings, graduations, and funerals)
3.The loss of freedom to move about freely
4.The loss of freedom to make hundreds of decisions each day (what you can eat and who you can visit, where you can work and what kind of joy you can get, etc.)
5.The loss of reputations and personal dignity
6.The loss of privacy
7.The loss of material possessions
8.The loss of dreams
Editor's note:
The holidays are upon us, and prison is a lonely place. We asked Tom what books he would like as gifts from us, and he said that what he would really appreciate are money orders so that he can purchase paper, stamps, and pens. He said the cost of items in prison has gone up, and their stipend has gone down. So, if some of you have been long time readers of this blog for Tom and would like to send a note of appreciation, he'd love to hear from you - and if you can send a money order in any amount, he'd deeply appreciate that, too.
Money order should be made out to Charles "Tom" Brown, #140237
His current address:
Charles "Tom" Brown, #140237
ASPC - Florence - East Unit
P.O. Box 5000
Florence, AZ 85232
10-12-08
As I write this, the world markets are in a financial meltdown, and I’ve been thinking of how to go through this cycle. Albert Schweitzer give us good advice with these words –
“To the question whether I’m a pessimist or an optimist, I answer that my knowledge is pessimistic, but my willing and hope are optimistic.”
This reminds us that we need a little pessimism (healthy skepticism) to give us caution and to deal realistically with “what is”, and, at the same time, we also need optimism to hope and dream and build a better future (idealism). Learning to enjoy the rhythms of this dance is to grow and transform.
In coming to prison, I lost all material goods, my reputation, my freedom, and my dreams, so I’m certainly aware of the cycles of life. What I’ve learned from this is that ultimately, after we’ve experienced enough of the highs and lows, the laughter and the tears, we develop a capacity to embrace the whole with its beauty and outrageousness, in the graciousness of the heart.
May we remember that loss comes to all of us. It does not discriminate by age, culture, socioeconomic status, religious affiliation, spiritual maturity, or global location. We have a choice in how loss affects us and how we grieve. We can opt to turn away or we can choose to expect and accept loss as a way of life, to see it as a source of heart opening grace and growth. By so choosing, we can embrace loss in a lifelong healing journey toward wholeness.
The only adequate response when confronting uncertainty is to love as fully as we can in the little time we have. Life and loved ones, after all, are all the more precious because we can’t hold on to them forever.
On this early Sunday morning as I sit here writing this, I ask myself, “What right do I have to be here this morning?” None. No right at all. Yet here I am. All the more reason to not take for granted my mysterious life on this mysterious planet.
The birds are starting to sing outside my window: always on time; always on key; always jubilant. At least that’s how they sound to me. And what about the thousand shades of orange and yellow in this morning’s sunrise? This world would be hard to believe if you’d never seen it.
----------------------
Tom Brown Speaks From Prison
I’ve been thinking of how I can contribute to others when I am released in a couple of years, I’ll be old, broke, and homeless myself, (and that’s a little scary). But I know that somehow, it will work out. And because of this, I will be able to help others who are facing the same things. This experience gives me a depth of understanding and compassion that I could not have otherwise. From a God’s eye view, there’s not a bit of difference between the most highly accomplished human being and the most broken.
Working with people who are hungry and need to be fed, who are thirsty and need something to drink, who are in prison and need visitors; Or who are naked and need to be clothed – Opens up all kinds of things in our lives.
Until our hearts are broken, we’re less than complete human beings. If we are not able to recognize others’ pain, we are cut off from ourselves.
We all have the capacity to love and care, but it has to develop, and that involves pain. The payoff is our connectedness. There is the painful gouging out of the stone of our hearts, which can then be filled with kindness.
-------------------------
Editor's note:
The holidays are upon us, and prison is a lonely place. We asked Tom what books he would like as gifts from us, and he said that what he would really appreciate are money orders so that he can purchase paper, stamps, and pens. He said the cost of items in prison has gone up, and their stipend has gone down. So, if some of you have been long time readers of this blog for Tom and would like to send a note of appreciation, he'd love to hear from you - and if you can send a money order in any amount, he'd deeply appreciate that, too.
Money order should be made out to Charles "Tom" Brown, #140237
His address is: Charles "Tom" Brown, #140237, ASPC - Florence - East Unit, P.O. Box 5000, Florence, AZ 85232
By Charles “Tom” Brown
Copyright 2008
In this age of chaos and uncertainty, we can find comfort in the visionaries, the ones who look beyond the limited view of our world and see a world of hope and infinite possibilities. They brighten our days with their hopes and light-hearted way of seeing things. They’re our poets and dreamers and clowns.
Poets jolt our souls out of the dormitory of the ordinary. In beautifully executed lines they do more than just present old, trite truths in a new light; they give us new eyes. They collect experiences and shape them into forms that cause us to think. Their words encourage us to mine our lives for the jewels they contain. They’re like candles flickering in the darkness. They help us to notice every beautiful and tragic thing, and the power of their words can move us to action and laughter and tears.
Dreamers remind us that the impossible dream can be realized. They see beyond the limitations of things as they are; they see what could be. They are the ones who find solutions where none seem to be available, who see the rainbow where others see only the rain. They believe that life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.
Clowns see the world newly-washed. They’re the pegs on which the circus can be hung, the hooks on which the magic is begun. Clowns tell us – if we listen – that something wonderful really can happen. With their rubber nose, feet like ducks, outlandish clothes, they mirror ourselves, stripped of pretension, stripped of protection. Clowns take the risk first and show us we can be real and let others know our pain, our need, our joy, our strength. There they are with naked feelings hanging out. That sigh, that tear, that laugh – don’t hide it, says the clown. Let it come. Let it happen. Let it be.
These visionaries remind us that the future is open and that we have a candle burning within us that’s ready to light the world. They tell us that magic really can happen.
copyright 2008
People often ask, “What political party do you belong to?” “What religion are you?” In using labels we get into this duality: am I a this or a that, as opposed to a human being? We all like to know who people are. We like to say, “He’s a this, she’s a that”. Then we think we know who they are.
All labels are restricting, though. They’re hard to wear. They’re hard to wear because we’re always growing. We don’t have a fixed definition, and this process of living is evolving us all the time.
It’s much easier to lose sight of our oneness and to feel separated from each other if we depersonalize and dehumanize each other. Once a person is labeled as “not like us,” the rules of civilized behavior no longer apply. Then we can justify feelings of unforgiveness and separation. It’s easy to erase “insurgents, enemy combatants, terrorists, and protesters.” In Iraq and Afghanistan our soldiers call the enemy “rats”. Psychologically, humans can kill rats much more easily than they can kill hungry, tired, frightened young people much like themselves. Once we have a label that doesn’t fit us, we can ignore the humanity of the labeled.
Labels encourage us to have a disposable mind-set: disposable products, disposable species, disposable people. We don’t see our brothers and sisters, much less all the animal species, as sacred. When we are in the presence of something we consider sacred, the natural response is to be humble and respectful and careful.
When we do see the sacredness of each other, we can begin to feel the failings and foolishness, the wonders and joy of being alive and being connected to one another. We see those “other beings” aren’t really others after all; they are us and we are them.
8-10-2008
Today, when communication in general is diminished, “real letters” are the equivalent of archaeological discoveries. With the increasing use of 3-mail and instant messaging, communications have lost a quality of depth and intimacy. Letters like you and I write are the stories of our souls. They can be read again and again and deeply pondered. I like to celebrate “the reading” of your letters slowly. It’s irreverent to read them fast.
I like to write these words slowly, too. There’s a time for quick communication, but a letter from the heart takes time. Time for the thought to go from my head to my heart and then through my arm and onto this pen and finally onto this page.
A letter bears its own copyright. It bears the dreams and yearnings, the gratitude and delight, that come from the heart of a newly published author. What a feast our letters are!
When we write with a caring heart, the words reach in and touch the deepest part of ourselves. They’re no longer cold and indifferent; they’re now infused with a life energy. They put us in touch with our feelings and that may bring forth a chuckle or a tear. They seem to dance on the page.
I sound like an “old timer” reminiscing about the “good ole days”, but I do miss the old days when there was more connection and less competition, more community and less isolation, more conversation and less TV and e-mail.
In listening to the news this morning, I kept hearing the word “crisis” used over and over again. But being an eternal optimist, I’m always looking for the pony. Well, I found it in an article in Time Magazine. (7-14-08) titled, “Ten Things You Can Like About $4 Gas.” It went on to say, “Beyond the agony at the pump, life is getting a little better in ways we may not be aware of.” The ten points are –
1. Globalized jobs return home
2. Sprawl stalls
3. Four-day workweeks
4. Less pollution
5. More frugality
6. Fewer traffic deaths
7. Cheaper insurance
8. Less Traffic
9. More cops on the beat
10. Less obesity
Sometimes it’s hard to find positive results of what is happening, but they’re always there, and those ten points are some I hadn’t though about. Perhaps the various crises that we see happening in our society today will help to speed up the radical changes that are so badly needed.
June 1, 2008
I laughed at something I read by Roy Blount, Jr., and I’d like to share it with you…
“If you were a member of Jesse James’ band and people asked you what you were, you wouldn’t say, ‘Well, I’m a desperado’. You’d say something like, ‘I work in banks’ or ‘I’ve done some railroad work’. It took me a long time to just say, ‘I’m a writer.’ It’s really embarrassing.”
Ah, the fame/shame of being a writer! (smiley face)
I’m sitting outside at a table writing this and the birds are providing a morning chorus for me. It’s especially loud at this time of year when birds are mating or establishing and defending a territory. Different birds have different thresholds of sensitivity to light that triggers the morning song session.
And then, there is the bird who sings all night. It’s an unmated male mockingbird, and it is working overtime in hopes of attracting a female, who, if she has any sense at all, is home in her nest asleep.
You wrote of “The Circle of Life” in Seasons of the soul. It’s a beautiful, heart-felt essay. It inspired some thoughts of the last stage as you wrote “…this process of releasing life takes the time it needs for us to gather ourselves in preparation for the next great journey.”
If I were facing that, I would want those who care about me to know that if aging should rob my strength, mental alertness, and physical stamina, I would offer them the strength of my conviction, the depth of my love, and the spiritual stamina of a soul that has been carefully shaped by the hard edges of life.
And so, when I can no longer dance, I will sing joyfully; when I haven’t the strength to sing, I will whistle with contentment; when my breath is shallow and weak, I will listen intently and should love from my heart; and when the bright light approaches, I will pray until I cannot pray.
Then it will be time for me to go home, time for the next grand adventure.
As always, it has been a joy to connect with you. We bridge the gap between time and distance and meet at the level of the soul.
May 31, 2008
Thank you for “Gifts of the Soul”. It’s an excellent book of healing, and I especially like the exercises. They make it practical and useful for us, regardless of our circumstances. They challenge us to not despair, but to dive deeply into our hearts to find the wisdom that can heal and liberate us.
Thank you, too for your kind words. Sometimes when this prison experience seems like it will never end and the light at the end of the tunnel begins to flicker, along comes a message from you reminding me of who I am and not to give up. Your words and your loving support have made a huge difference in my life, and I just want you to know how much it means to me. You and the work you’re doing are truly Spirit made visible.
It’s magical to see Spirit because many times when we only see the masks and the holograms that the culture presents as real. We’re not our bank accounts or our ambition. We’re not our collection of personality disorders. We are Spirit, we are love, and even though it’s hard to believe sometimes (especially here is prison), we are free. If we find out next week that we’re terminally ill – and we’re all terminally ill on this bus – what will matter are memories of beauty, that people loved us, and that we loved them.
When I tend to forget this, when I have the “itch” to be refueled and renewed, I return to the doorways of the heart that have opened me before. For me, the “itch” gets “scratched” by beginning the day with softness and silence before the bumps and nicks and noise rush in, before the confusions and conflicts tighten my sense of things.
The quiet times can cast a spell on our hearts. They remind us who we are capable of being. They provide points of connection with what is authentically true. They illuminate the meaning with which we imbue an experience, raising it to the realm of divine understanding.
In the ritual of quieting my mind and going within, I remember that I am a creature of fertile soil and endless sky, and that the acts of praise and thanks and music and tears transform me. It helps me to see the while I keep looking for the wings of a sparrow, the wings of an eagle have already been given me. It reminds me that we’re all like birds who have forgotten we have these wings and we were meant to spread them and fly, fly, fly!
May 4, 2008
It’s a quiet Sunday morning and I’m sitting outside at a table writing this. And how about the magic and the mystery of this moment! Here I am, making these marks on a sheet of paper that you will read sometime in the future and give meaning to. I feel your presence as I write this, and you’ll feel my presence as you read it. I remind myself daily that everything is in order and that this very moment is a miracle, as is everything around me.
The warm sun is shining. The birds are singing. All is well. An old saying comes to mind…
“Sitting quietly, doing nothing
Spring comes and the grass grows.”
There have been many times when I’ve tried to “push the river” and force things to happen before they were ready to germinate. I’m still learning to “go with the flow.”
I’m reminded that you can’t pry the petals of a flower open, but you can provide the flower with healthy soil and plenty of sunlight and water. Then, when the petals do blossom, they will unfold in just the right way and time, and the flower will be an expression of beauty and grace.
It’s hard to believe how quickly time is passing – even here in prison. I’ve heard that it takes about ten years to get used to how old you are. Well, I think it takes longer than that. I’m still not used to my age. There’s a little boy in me who keeps asking, “What happened?” He’s the part of me that still looks at life with awe and wonder, the part that creates a dog named Ralphie who tells bad puns, the part that loves to sing and dance and play.
In fact, that part of me is acting up right now as I feel a tug on my pant leg. It’s Ralphie and his insisting on telling us something. I know I shouldn’t do this, but I’m going to humor the little fellow.
“Ralphie, what is it?”
“Do you remember the story I told you about the WING and the WONG families? Although there are many people in China, there are few telephones. The reason for this is because there are so many people with the names WING and WONG and the authorities are afraid they’ll WING the WONG number.”
“How could we forget that, Ralphie? It’s awful.”
“Well, I have some news about the WONG family. Something very unusual has happened to them. Mr. and Mrs. WONG have had a Caucasian baby and we all know that two WONGS don’t make a white.”
“What’s the baby’s name, Ralphie?”
“They have named him “SUM TING WONG.”
When Ralphie tells those Chinese puns, I get disoriented. As you can see, he has no shame.
It’s hard to follow him with anything sensible, so I’m not going to try.
Sending you love and blessings!
April 1, 2008
Sometimes it just feels good to get up on a soapbox and do a little venting. This is one of those times. It is being triggered by an article that appeared in The Boston Globe. Here is an excerpt from it…
“America, the Land of the Unfree”
“What is the world’s leading prison state? You might think it is repressive China or Puten’s Russia. But as a recent Pen Center study revealed, it’s the U.S. where 2.3 million people – one out of every 100 adult Americans, no languish behind bars. Per capita our rate of imprisonment easily exceeds that of Russia, is six times that of China and seven times that of Germany and France.
“…yet in an amazing act of hypocrisy, the State Department last week issued an annual human rights report that condemned Russia, Burma, and China for arbitrarily imprisoning too many of their citizens. Nations that live in glass prisons shouldn’t throw stones!”
I don’t think it should be any surprise that the country that has the most prisons also has the world’s biggest pollution problem. We have a disposable mind-set: disposable products, disposable species, disposable people. We don’t see our brothers and sisters, much less all the animal species, as sacred. The failure to honor the sacred is at the root of the prison problem and the ecological problem.
It’s easy to forget that what any of us does affects all of us, every time, all the time. We forget that we (people, bugs, dolphins, eagles, poodles, etal) are all interdependent. Those “other” beings aren’t really others after all; they are us and we are them.
When we allow ourselves to see the Divine everywhere, and believe that there is nowhere God is not – including inside us – we can release any sense of unworthiness and embrace our magnificence. Let’s imagine a world of beings who are doing that, who are conscious of their wholeness and who identify with and make choices from their Divine nature. Imagine the good, the joy, the love, and the caring that will be poured out across the planet when all humans openly embrace and fully express their sacred selves. Just imagine it!
(I’ll now step down from my soap box and face the reality of this moment). It’s fun to dream and imagine, though, and I do believe that someday, in a more enlightened age, these imaginations will become a reality. Also, at that time, prisons will be known as houses of rehabilitation and compassion rather than basically houses of punishment.
By Charles “Tom” Brown
Copyright 2008
It was time to apply for a hearing to get some relief from a long prison sentence. The date had been set by the Clemency Board. A defense fund had been set up to hire an attorney, the letters of support poured in, and friends appeared on my behalf. There was so much loving energy. There were so many prayers expressed. And yet, my application was denied.
My first reaction was, “How could this happen? I don’t understand this. It’s unfair!” As time went by, though, I began to realize that crying “unfair” was keeping me stuck in what hurts. As long as I see what has come to pass as being unfair, I’ll be a prisoner of what might have been.
When I go behind the appearance of unfairness and look at the larger picture, I can begin to change my view of the uncertainties of life. This change brings about an attitude that allows me to discover what is hidden in all experiences. Then I can begin to see wholeness rather than good and bad fortune. In a world of unity, there is no good or bad luck; it’s indivisible. What is called “bad” fortune has “good” just waiting to emerge because it’s the other half.
We have all known a time when it seemed as though the light in our lives might never return. It can feel like that’s all there is. If that is where we are and we’re unable to see a situation as part of a larger picture, let’s remind ourselves that good fortune is leaning on the bad one, just as morning follows night. It’s invisibly there in all moments of despair.
No matter what occurs in our lives, we can become better people because of it. If we had not gone through our difficult time, we could not have learned what it had to teach us. When we have learned to embrace all the cycles of life, our backbones will be a little straighter and our heads will be a little higher. When we have suffered and transcended our suffering, we will emerge with a sacred knowledge embedded in our cells. There is nothing more beautiful than the mantle of a survivor, and there is nothing more illumined than the new personality that comes forth when the old one has been laid to rest.
3-12-08
The denial by the Clemency Board was a shock to all of us. I fully believed that I would be approved for Phase II where I could meet with the Board in person, and with an attorney there and a lot of support. I just couldn’t imagine them turning me down…but they did. It was obvious that their minds were already made up and nothing we could have said or done would have made a difference. It’s always safer politically to say “no” at a hearing like this.
I don’t understand why this has happened and there really aren’t any answers. Something happened this morning, though, that reminded me to have faith. It was dark outside, no daylight yet, but the birds were singing and the doves were cooing. They knew instinctively that the light was coming. Deep with me, I know that, too…the light is coming. There’s nothing in this world, not a thin in the universe that is not in perfect order. Everything proceeds according to this perfect design.
May we all find comfort in this truth, and may God bless our journey of awakening.